Sitting with my back to the doughnuts!

Carbo Loading!

Last week I suffered a tiny setback and gained 1/2 pound, after having lost a total of 18 pounds over the past two months. I haven't panicked, but it was a bit of a wake up call. I'm generally pretty careful with my food intake during the week - keeping a little more strict watch on my points, etc. But the weekends tend to be a bit more problematic - the comings and goings of family members, having other commitments, the social trend of eating out on the weekends - all contributes. This past weekend in particular, my body was apparently craving complex carbohydrates - and I indulged it! It all started when I had a meeting on Saturday which began at 8 a.m. and ran until 12:30 p.m. One of the other people in the meeting always brings relatively healthy goodies for our breaks, and lately he's been into making bread. We all know there's nothing like homemade bread. One small slice wouldn't have hurt - but once I had a taste, I ended up grabbing slice after slice, and of course, slathering each slice in butter!

In the afternoon there was a memorial service and afterward the family invited everyone to a meal - people had brought all kinds of goodies - honey baked ham, rice, mashed potatoes, MACARONI AND CHEESE, southern-style greenbeans, chess pies, and more chess pies! It was heaven on earth! And again, I indulged - especially on the macaroni and cheese - which is a particular weakness of mine and the world's best comfort food - especially on cold rainy fall days.

And if that wasn't enough - in the evening a friend and I went out to a movie. We decided we didn't want to eat dinner first (who could after all that food?) but after the movie went to a restaurant for a "bite." Being the cold November night it was, soup really appealed, but did they have a nice hearty, healthy vegetable soup? Of course not! They had a shrimp gumbo (which was probably pretty healthy - but I'm not a big fan) and a potato bacon soup. "Mmmmm" as my grandson says - I haven't had potato soup in a long time! Did I order just the cup of soup? Oh no.... I went for the "giant" portion. And while I know potato soup has a cream base, which is why I typically avoid it, I usually have counted on it being a bit thinner then this one was. This soup was really more like a gravy - and OMG was it good! By the time I finished that along with the ciabatta bread that came with it, I thought I was going to be sick!

So I wasn't surprised when I weighed on Sunday morning and had picked up a 1/2 pound. With Thanksgiving coming I know I'm going to have to either be extra careful leading up to Thanksgiving, or get some more exercise to keep from having a setback again. Because we'll be going to my brother and sister-in-law's home and my sister-in-law is a fabulous cook and I know I won't be able to say no there!

The Doughnut Dilemma

The good news however, is that even though I had a negative physical gain with the 1/2 pound, today I've had a psychological gain and triumphed over doughnuts!

Doughnuts are another weakness. Especially Krispy Kreme doughnuts (don't even start me on the family "legend" about my uncle who sold the Krispy Kreme doughnut recipe for $50!) which rank right up there with heavenly bliss. I have successfully avoided eating a Krispy Kreme doughnut or any kind of doughnut for several months now. My friend Jan and I know first hand the siren call of a Krispy Kreme doughnut shop with that "Hot Doughnuts Now" sign flashing. Several years ago Jan was working where I worked and we decided to ride to and from work together. We also decided to be virtuous and get up extra early and work out at the YMCA before going to work. So we did - it was great - we would work out, shower and get dressed and be at work by 8:30. The only problem was that to get to work we had to drive by a Krispy Kreme shop! Well, I suppose we could've taken an alternative route but....

Anyway, as we approached the shop, one of us would cut a glance at the other, the other would look back and grin - and before you knew it, we were pulling in! It was then that Jan and I learned that while we can be good friends and can encourage each other "from afar" in our weight loss attempts - we can't actually diet together - we always end up sabotaging ourselves.

So this is the history I'm dealing with when this morning one of my co-workers comes in waving a doughnut box under my nose. Granted, they weren't Krispy Kreme doughnuts, but they were doughnuts and my light WW breakfast was already wearing off! "No No" I cried - take those out of here. "Oh come on" she said, fairly sprouting devil's horns. "No, I'm trying SOOO hard." So she graciously took them away.

But the box is sitting on the table in our office kitchen. When I went in there to heat up my lunch they loomed at me. I had to avert my eyes to keep from being tempted to just open the box and look at them. I moved my lunch to another table and sat down with my back to the doughnuts. If I don't see them, I won't be tempted. One of my other co-workers came in and saw me - "You've got you back turned on the doughnuts haven't you?" she asked.

"Yep" was all I could say, as I focused on my WW lunch!

Sweet Tarts vs. Grapefruit

Honest to God - the following actually transpired between me and my son:

Chase calls me at work - "Mom, I'm going out to the store to pick up some milk - do you want anything?"
I responded, "You know, I've been craving something sour. Would you get me some kind of sour something?
He asked, "Like what?"
"Oh," I responded, "something like Sweet Tarts or some similar candy."
"Okay," he said and hung up.

I arrived home from work and was chatting with Chase and Jennifer when he picked up a grapefruit and handed it to me. "Here's your 'something sour'," he said. I just looked at both of them as though they were crazy - I had been thinking about those Sweet Tarts all the way home!

"You're kidding, right?" knowing the prankster my son likes to be.

"Oh no," Jennifer said, Chase has been fussing at me because I've had a lot of candy in the house and you've been eating it and that's not helping your diet. So we got you a grapefruit instead!"

Chase was looking very smug and proud of himself! I didn't know whether to thank them for reigning me in and not caving in to my request for candy - or to be annoyed with them for not getting me the item I had requested!

In fact, they had said they were going to take away all the candy that was left from Halloween - a big orange plastic pumpkin had been sitting on a side table filled with the likes of Tootsie Rolls. Again, I thought they were kidding - however, when I stuck my hand in the pumpkin after they left to go out for the evening - sure enough - no candy!

I had to chuckle - my kids love me and they know I'm serious about the weight loss and that's their way of helping - tough love!

Of course I coped, and was ultimately grateful that they didn't get the candy for me. When I weighed in on Sunday morning I was happy they were so tough on me. In spite of a week of still sneaking the occasional candy piece and heavy dinner times with delicious morsels like homemade lasagna, I still managed to lose another pound! I had gone out and walked the two mile loop at Long Hunter again on Saturday so I know that's a saving grace. I tried to imagine what if I had stuck better to the WW plan during the week and did the 2 mile walk - maybe it would've been more than 1 pound. What i know I can now do is work a little harder, make sure I can get some activity in during the week and maybe I'll see a little more progress.

Til then, I'm at least still on track with an 18 lb weight loss since September....

.....but I still haven't eaten the damn grapefruit!

Surviving Halloween

This week saw another 1/2 pound loss - not great, but given my body's apparent schedule of dropping a few pounds one week and little or nothing for a couple of weeks I'm still feeling good about it. Plus, this was Halloween week - and while I didn't completely stay away from candy - and the fabulous pumpkin pie my son made from scratch - I still lost and didn't gain, which is really something to celebrate.

And I finally made it out for some activity. I took the grandson out to Long Hunter State Park, where they have a two mile paved trail around a lake that he and I walked around. Well...I walked - and pushed him in the stroller. It was a beautiful fall day, the temperature was perfect and it was a peaceful time for me. However, since it's been a while since I've done that - my 54 year old hips are letting me know today just how out of shape I am! Jenn and I still plan on getting to the fitness center in the apartment complex a few nights a week to walk on the treadmill, so if I can get into that routine, then perhaps I'll see a little more progress.

But getting past Halloween without major damage is a win. Now I can look forward to Thanksgiving with a little less trepidation!

Another Breakthrough!

So I guess I've figured out my body's weight loss pattern. After another couple of frustrating weeks with only a 1 pound loss, this past Sunday when I weighed in I was surprised to see a 4 lb. drop! A real surprise given that I haven't been carefully tracking my points, and I know I'm probably going over points on some days, and then the Halloween candy is looming large! But I guess the cumulative effect is what's important, and as long as I don't fool myself into thinking that I don't have to cut back as much as I had, then I'll be okay and continue to be successful.

So this makes another milestone - I'm now officially below 240! And significantly below enough that I don't think I have to worry about gaining back above 240 unless I just totally lose my mind and willpower this week. So now my next short term goal is to drop below 230.

People are noticing the weight loss, although in recent photos of myself I still couldn't see it. I have this terrible double chin that just horrifies me when I see photos! When I start seeing that go, I'll be much happier! But I'm also worried that besides the weight loss sometimes producing sagging skin where fat used to be, my family on my mother's sad is cursed with turkey necks - where you have the perpetual double chin that looks like a turkey's wattle! I've never really been tempted or vain enough to consider cosmetic surgery, but after I get the weight off, if I still have that neck, I may very well consider a surgery to get rid of that!

Hanging Tough

It's been a couple of weeks since I've posted anything on the blog, and it's gratifying to know that people are reading it because I've had a few people remind me that I haven't written anything! Time issues and life transitions has interfered with updating these last two weeks. Since the last entry I've lost another pound - but held steady for two weeks. I'm slacking off a little because of schedules, etc. and so am planning to get back on track. I do pretty well during the week while at work, but anything off my schedule or during the more relaxed weekends is a little more difficult. There's also the going out to dinner or lunch with friends and family that can make it more difficult - if I want to use that for an excuse!

My home life has suddenly gotten very interesting which is one reason I'm delayed in writing here. I've gone from being a single woman living alone for the last 7, almost 8 years, to having my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson living with me. What started out as a temporary thing seems to becoming semi-permanent. With the state of the economy and our collective finances it just makes more sense to have them living with me and all of us contributing to the household upkeep. But we need to change from them living out of suitcases to a more stable environment. I have only a 2-bedroom apartment, although it's a large apartment. So we're in the midst of rearranging furniture, finding a place for the baby to sleep (he now sleeps in Gramma's bed!), and just making it a comfortable situation for everyone. And as soon as one becomes available at my complex, we'll be moving into a 3 bedroom apartment.

However, the current living situation makes staying on the plan a little more challenging. We're cooking a lot together, and we're not always cooking the healthiest of foods. But, Jenn, my daughter-in-law, is going to start on the plan as well, so our meals will be more healthy, within the plan. Chase will also benefit whether he wants to or not! Plus Jenn is at home during the day and can plan our meals. She also wants to start exercising on a regular basis, which should motivate me since I've still not gotten into a routine that includes activity. If she goes to the apartment complex fitness center in the evenings, I should go with her and at least get on the treadmill or elliptical trainer.

So life is continuing to be the adventure it usually is for me! After a long spell of relative inactivity and a lot of "alone" time, my home is filled with loving family members and the delighted squeals of a 14 month old who thinks everything his daddy does is funny. It's not a bad life!

Setting Goals

I lost another 2.5 lbs this past week which gives me a total weight loss of 11.5 lbs! So on the WW website I get another little "star" for making the first 10 pounds - although I got fussed at again for "fast weight loss!" That just kills me!

In terms of setting goals for weight loss - I've got the long term goal for total weight loss of course, but I also look at the recommended goal that WW sets which is to lose 10% of your total weight as a step by step process. So my first short term goal according to WW is to lose about 25 lbs.

But I have found that my own mental goal is to get past certain weight hurdles based on 10s - in other words - I started out at 253.5, so I was excited when I got below 250. Now I'm at 242, so my goal is to drop below 240, etc. Then when I get to 210 - the big goal will be to get below 200. That'll be a day to celebrate!

With the first 11.5 pounds off I'm feeling successful and encouraged to keep going. I'm not always so faithful to recording the points each day - especially on weekends. But I find that I'm ALWAYS conscious about points and how many I have at a given time. I've done this long enough now that I have a sense of how many points there are for foods that I commonly eat, so I just keep running inventory and if I get unsure - then I back up and lighten up on what I eat to make sure I don't go over. And although I've never recorded them - I know also that I have 35 points a week to play with - so that gives me a cushion on the weekends!

My big success this past weekend though - was going to my brother and sister-in-law's for dinner and not overindulging - especially on the raspberry chocolate brownies and homemade chocolate ice cream. So I might have had a few too many slices of fried green tomatoes - but I only let her slice me a very small slice of brownie and a small scoop of ice cream. And although initially other family members teased me a little bit - knowing my addiction to chocolate - overall they were actually quite supportive and encouraging me (although I really know that they were just happy that it meant more brownies for them!)

An inspiring compliment

While I know that 9 pounds is a great weight loss in one month - I'm still having a hard time telling it, although my jeans fit a little more loosely. I've been trying to "visualize" being thinner and when I walk, I carry myself like a thin person - so perhaps the psychological benefits of the visualization will help as well - we'll see.

However, nothing works like when friends and family tell you they notice. I was shocked yesterday when my son said, "Hey mom, you're losing weight!" Now you have to understand that my son is not one to just give out compliments to me - and more often than not he gives "backhanded" compliments in which you're never really sure if he's serious or not. So I'm saying "Really? You think so?" - and he continued to affirm that I looked as though I had lost weight.

This morning however, still not really believing him, I asked Jennifer, my daughter-in-law, "Did you put him up to saying that, or did that come from him?" - figuring that she, like most wives, has to clue him in to things or prompt him. She insisted that it was his own comment.

So, that went a long way in inspiring me to keep going. The WW food plan is not difficult and I'm getting comfortable in keeping track of points values and knowing what foods have fewer points and choosing to eat more healthfully. And I even allow myself the occasional small piece of chocolate or something like mashed potatoes so that I don't totally freak out at some point and binge on large quantities of all the things that I shouldn't eat.

The support of family and friends has been crucial. When planning on going out to dinner with a friend last night, I was more cautious with my eating earlier in the day so I could "splurge" a little bit if need be. My friend was so cute when he picked me up and said "How many points do you have left for dinner?" That meant a lot to me because it means my friends and family are also being conscientious about my food plan as well. Quite unlike the early years of my first marriage when my ex-husband would deliberately try to sabotage my diets by placing unhealthy things in front of me.

But that's the past, and for now....it's all good.

Finally! A little breakthrough

Thanks to everyone who was so encouraging and supportive when I whined about not having lost any weight the last couple of weeks. As Susan, the Weight Watchers Queen, pointed out, sometimes you'll go without losing then drop several pounds. So I can proudly post a new weight on the blog (see the left of this posting) as I dropped 3.5 more pounds! That makes a total of 9 pounds in 4 weeks - which I can't complain about. I'll feel even happier when I can tell I'm losing weight from my clothes feeling more loose.

The irony of it is that Weight Watchers is "worried" about my fast weight loss! I was so proud to record my new weight on the WW website and darned if they didn't pop up with a little message about how I was losing more weight than was healthy - 2 lbs a week is optimum and citing all the dangers of fast weight loss! Geesh....talk about mixed messages!

However, regardless of that - I've also discovered some WW Smart Ones products that are both tasty and low points value. Since I never get up in time to eat breakfast before going to work, I'm usually bringing something with me - such as cereal and yogurt. I discoved WW has some breakfast items that are tasty and only 4 points. They have an egg muffin (a la McD's egg mcmuffin) and what I had this morning which was really good - a breakfast quesadilla.

But my favorite find so far is a Smart Ones meal that is only 2 points! And it is by far the most favorful and filling frozen meal I've ever had - it's called Chicken Santa Fe and is white chicken chunks with black beans, a full serving of vegetables and a tangy texmex flavoring. Man is it good! I was eating it by itself last week and with it only being two points was having to scramble to find more food to eat to keep my points going. But it occured to me as well that this was a great meal to add rice or pasta to - to bump up the bulk and the points and add some variety. Last night I took two of them and cooked them together and then made angel hair pasta and that's what little Hayden and I had for dinner. Very tasty - I'm having it for lunch again today!

So with all these plugs for Weight Watchers - do you think I qualify as a sales rep? Maybe I should send this blog to them and see if they'll pay me!

Tortoise vs the Hare

When I got on the scales yesterday morning I was really annoyed. I didn't have any recordable weight loss this past week. I have to keep reminding myself that 5.5 pounds over 3 weeks is still good, but I want to see immediate, tangible results of my new discipline. All week I was careful with my points, and kept track of them so I know I ended each day without having gone over or maybe not even eating all of the points I'm allowed. So why no weight loss? I realize I still need to work in the exercise and I probably will lose weight VERY slowly if I don't start getting some cardio activity on a daily basis. Now that the weather is getting a little cooler, I need to look at getting out at lunchtime and walking, but that would necessitate remembering to bring my walking shoes to work. A new discipline to work on!

Weekends
Part of my problem is keeping track of my points on the weekends and not going too far afield of the plan on those days. Keeping track of my food intake is much easier during the week when I'm at work and then usually go straight home and am in for the evening. I keep the Weight Watchers website open on my computer at work all day and then on my home computer in the evening. That way anytime I eat something I can record it instantly and can continuously check on the points values of various foods I may want to eat. But the weekend is just harder. I usually have meetings to go to or am with family or friends, and making the choices to eat correctly get a little harder. I've determined that Sundays are my days for not sticking as strictly to the plan to give myself a little reprieve, and I've been pretty good the last two Sundays with not going too overboard. And my friend Susan, the WW weight loss queen, reminds me that if I screw up one day that I just start over the next day. Still - I should at least make an attempt to record the points on the weekends and keep a closer eye on the food choices I make.

Still, Americans are all about instant gratification - especially if any perceived sacrifice is involve. My brain wants to automatically go to - I've eliminated so many calories, fats, and sugars from my diet, by God I should be losing 5 or more pounds a week! So I get mad when I don't. That's when I'm in a danger zone - when I get close to saying "What's the use?" and revert back to old eating habits. I've got to remember that I'm still making positive changes, but the results of those changes may come slowly. I need to be happy with the slow, steady progress instead of the quick spurts. I need to be the tortoise instead of the hare.

Planning Ahead

My challenge this week has been not being prepared when I'm not where I need to be at meal time in order to eat healthfully. Part of the problem is that as a single woman, I don't keep a stocked refrigerator or pantry the way you do when you have a family - especially children. For the most part I'll only buy food for a few days and eat out most of the other time (a clue to my weight gain as well!). Or I keep frozen items that I can zap and eat - and then there have been the times in the evenings when I simply ate a bowl of cereal or straight out of the peanut butter jar!

Plus when I grocery shop, I tend to do it by the seat of my pants - no shopping list in hand, just a mental checklist and cruising up and down all of the aisles to see what catches my eye and hoping I remember everything I do need (I always forget something!)

So since starting on WW I've been gradually trying to rebuild my pantry with stock items that can help me make wise choices when it comes time to eat. And I'm trying to think ahead when shopping, actually make a list, check the WW website to figure out points for certain items and go from there.

What happened two nights this week is that I didn't know until the last minute that I was going to be somewhere other than home for dinner - so it ended up being late before I could eat - and while I stayed within my points and made relatively good choices, it just was more difficult and stressful. I'm trying to think of "emergency rations" - perhaps a protein bar? - that I can keep in my purse when that happens again. (I don't think a Rice Krispies bar counts - even though that's what I had with me yesterday!)

However a midweek weigh-in at the doctor's office showed a few more pounds coming off - assuming their scale is calibrated closely to mine - so I'll be interested to see what the scale reads this weekend.

I can say that this has not been difficult so far and for the most part I feel satisfied with the foods I eat, and I already feel better from not loading myself up with sugar and fats. The only thing I don't like, and which has sabotaged most of my diets, is having to be constantly aware and conscious about my food intake. Having to plan and think about it all the time gets old after a while. Of course, the alternative to not being aware and thoughtful about it, is to eat anything and everything and continue to gain weight.

A little primer on making comments to my blog
Some of you seem to be a bit challenged about commenting directly to the blog post. Most of you have my email address so it's perfectly fine to just email me. However, if you'd like to comment on the blog, here's what you do: At the end of each post you'll see a "0 comments" or perhaps there'll be a number which means someone has already commented. Just click on that link and you'll be taken to an area where you can read the comments and then write one of your own. That's all you have to do - don't have to sign in or anything! I think there's some kind of little puzzle you have to interpret - but we all have seen those before. Just remember - these are "public" comments - anyone will be able to read them. So if you want to say something to me in private then it's better to email me directly!

Small Victories

As I suspected, last week's 5 lb. weight loss was a bit of "new diet" fluke. This week's weigh in showed only 1/2 lb. loss, which is still a loss - and proves my theory that my typical average weekly weight loss hangs around 2.5 to 3 lbs. - which if I stay that course still keeps me achieving my initial short term goal and puts me well on my way to my long term goal. But I also know that there will be weeks when I "plateau" so I still need to keep it in perspective.

I did a little self analysis as to why I didn't lose more this week and can only think that it has to do with sodium intake. I ate out more than I should have in one week - having gone to Outback Steak House on Wednesday, Olive Garden on Friday, and O'Charley's on Saturday! That's a lot of good eatin'! BUT....each time I chose wisely in what I ordered, sticking with salads at Outback and O'Charleys - although the salad at Outback was a "black and bleu" salad with steak. Friday evening at Olive Garden I did really well and ordered a grilled chicken dish that had an apricot sauce and steamed veggies. And...I didn't even eat all of the chicken but brought it home for another meal on Sunday! Yet, I know that eating out at restaurants, even if choosing wisely also means having more flavoring that contains sodium and sugar that I have no control over. So I need to watch that and maybe cut back on the eating out thing - it'll save on the pocketbook as well!

Still - I have small victories I can be proud of and celebrate. When at Outback and O'Charleys, I did not, repeat DID NOT eat any of the fabulous rolls they both serve before your meal! And I'm all about some good yeast rolls - but I was a good 'DooBee' and resisted the temptation. I can never eat just one roll anyway - I have to slather it in butter and absolutely will eat more than one. So my goal is to never take that first bite thinking "it won't hurt."

I've also managed to drive by McDonalds every day for the first two weeks of the new plan without my car automatically taking that right turn in to the drive thru to get a sausage biscuit and sweet tea! For the last few months I've been getting one if not two sweet teas A DAY, and at least once, if not twice or three times a week getting a sausage and biscuit for breakfast. I'd love to know how much sugar I'm no longer putting into my body just from cutting out the sweet tea!

So I look forward to another week, and perhaps next Monday I'll have better news in terms of the weight loss.

Sisterhood of the Fat Pants

Okay - I know it's a bad pun, but I bet every woman I know who read that title knew immediately what I was talking about! We all have a closet full of clothes ranging in sizes from when we were a good healthy weight to when we were at our most heavy. When we lose weight, we're terrified to get rid of the "fat" clothes for fear that we'll need them later (and no doubt - creating a "self-fulfilling prophecy" in which we do eventually need them again), and when we gain weight, we hold on to the smaller sized clothing in the hopes of "one day" getting back into them. For years I somewhat unrealistically held on to a couple of pair of jeans that I probably hadn't worn since I was 20 years old, but....you never know!

However, you know it's time to "man up" (or "woman up") when it comes to weight loss when even the largest of your fat pants begin to feel a little tight. That's what scared me into this new regime. My khaki slacks that I'm required to wear for work come in a range of sizes, and a mere six months ago, most of them felt somewhat loose on me when I put them on. When I found that I was having increasing difficulty buttoning or zipping those slacks, I took a good hard look at myself. This summer I also had a wake up call with my two pair of crop pants that I wear most of the time - I bought them a little over two years ago - identical slacks, one black and one white. In the spring and summer they're great because they go with everything - I can put any color blouse with either one of them and I've got a great outfit. In the fall and winter of 2006-2007 I had lost close to 40 pounds and I was getting a great aerobic workout every week by going contra dancing. There was a point that I had to be careful wearing my crop pants because they had gotten so loose that I worried that they would fall off when I was being whirled around the dance floor!

No so much a worry today. This summer both of those pairs of pants became increasingly difficult to button - to the point that in their design - they have both a button and a hook closure - and I kept tearing the hook closure and having to sew it back on! Think it's a "sign"?

And now I'm determined to not buy any more clothes that are a larger size. Partially because I'm cheap, but mostly because I just will no longer accept that my larger size is my life now. If I don't buy larger clothes, then I'm forced to do something about my weight in order to fit my current clothing more comfortably. So I might look a little "tatty" for a while until the weight comes off - but hopefully everyone will understand.

However....the Good News
Today is "casual day" at work and I was thrilled when I put on my black crop pants to find them quite easy to zip and button and with even a little "give" in the waist band! Not bad for two weeks huh?

'Tis the season - and the challenge!

Even though it's still early September, I'm already having to plan how to cope with the holiday season that is about to descend upon us. Typically this is the time of year that I lose complete control because of all the holiday foods, family gatherings, parties, etc.

I was reminded about this issue this morning when I was congratulating myself for getting past the box of chocolate chip muffins sitting in the kitchen at my workplace all week without being tempted to grab one (or two...or three). But my workplace is where I have the most difficulty.

Consider:

1. At my office we have a potluck staff luncheon every couple of months.
2. For every staff person's birthday we have a party with ice cream and cake.
3. The office manager's mother is a caterer so anytime she has left overs from an event or if she's testing out a new recipe, we are the recipients of her largesse.
4. Because of the type of organization we are, during the holidays we are lavished with gifts of food - from both appreciative organization members that we serve or our vendors.
5. Beginning at about Halloween and going well through Christmas there is always some delectable temptation sitting in the kitchen for our consumption.
6. Any time a staff person bakes, or has leftovers from a party, they bring it to share with the rest of the staff.

So celebrating getting past the muffins may be premature - how am I going to resist all of the goodies about to be unleashed? The staff luncheons are easier to handle because we usually have enough variety that I can choose wisely and watch my portion control. The onslaught of chocolates, cakes, candy of all varieties, cheese balls, sausage rolls, etc. - that'll be the problem.

I'm taking suggestions on how to negotiate the next few months!

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

If you take a look at the "Current Weight" to the left - you'll see that in just five days I lost five pounds! I was shocked and thrilled when I got on the scales this morning and saw that number on the scales. Now I'm not naive...I've been dieting for most of my adult life, so I know that the first week of weight loss is usually dramatic and then it'll slow down. I should consider even one pound a week a success. With past diets an average weight loss for me is 3 pounds a week, but that was also with some heart rate revving activity on a regular basis. I haven't initiated the activity yet - still trying to figure out my schedule to determine what makes the most sense. But hopefully once I introduce that element my weight loss will hang around the three pounds a week mark.

Still - seeing that five pound drop in just a matter of days is great for the ego and is a motivation to stay the course.

A Step Back
However....there's always a however isn't there? Today was one of those days, where it was difficult to keep track of my points (the Weight Watchers plan allots you so many points per day and assigns point values to food items). My son, daughter-in-law and grandson spent the weekend with me and today after our Sunday morning Baha'i school, we went to a fabulous Chinese buffet for lunch. I was pretty good at watching what I ate, staying away from fried or oily foods, and I didn't eat nearly as much as I ordinarily would - yet I felt pretty full and happy after this lunch! I decided not to try to calculate the points and just opted for not eating dinner.

That was the problem! I had an evening event to attend and a crisis with a friend who was locked out of her home that took until 10 p.m. to resolve and by the time I got home I was ravenous. The mini-bag of popcorn that is only one point didn't do - if nothing - it just helped me realize just how hungry I was! There was a "to go" box from our family dinner yesterday full of pita bread wedges and real butter. Uh oh - I know better than this. But of course, the justifications jumped in - I hadn't eaten dinner, I probably had available points to spend, although how could I know since I didn't record them earlier? A couple of wedges and a little butter wouldn't hurt. And it wouldn't have - except that the two wedges triggered a need for a couple of more wedges, which in turn led to two more! Maybe not so much from the pita bread, but the thick butter slathered on the wedges most definitely led me past the allowable points. But it was soooo good going down!

I learned my lesson however - and know I have to be more careful about planning my meals in advance, keeping a good eye on my points, and remembering how good it felt to see that first five pounds disappear.

As Scarlett O'Hara would say, "Tomorrow is another day."

My Inspirations

I've added a column to the left of my postings with a list of my inspirations. I may add to the list occasionally, but these are the five people who will most likely keep me motivated to move forward.

First, my grandson Hayden - for obvious reasons! He is the delight of my heart and a reason to want to get healthy and stay healthy. I remember my mother doing the same when both my sons were born - she started getting more exercise and stopped smoking. It's amazing what one little guy can do to get you thinking about how you need to refocus your priorities!

Then there are two close friends who are weight loss queens! Susan, who started on Weight Watchers three years ago and also began running for exercise, is about half of herself now and running marathons! She never has told me exactly how much she lost, but the before and after photos are astonishing. Unfortunately I don't have them to post here. She swears by WW and will be my "sponsor" for lack of a better word - someone to whine to, call on, get tips from, and generally encourage me. Although she's about 15 years younger than me, she still gets the prize for discipline and generally getting her head in the right place regarding food issues. And we all know that for most women, weight issues are less about wanting to overeat just for the sake of eating, and more likely multiple emotional issues that gets acted out with food.

Rosalee is another study in determination and amazing success. I saw Rosalee for the first time in a year this past weekend. She lives in Maine now but comes to Nashville occasionally to visit her daughter and son-in-law and other family members. Two and a half years ago Rosalee joined a 12-step food addicts program. Not Overeaters Anonymous, but along the same lines. She quickly started losing weight (although it probably didn't feel quick to her!) and when I saw her just six months into this program, she was already looking great. But I was totally unprepared for how she looked when I saw her this past weekend! She actually looked better than she did when she was 30 years old. And while I won't tell her age, let's just say she's more than a few years older than me! She looked absolutely stunning - and again I'm thinking - if she can do this, so can I!

I wish I had before and after photos of these two women to show everyone - assuming they would let me! I need to have their photos posted right in front of me all the time to keep me going. What's funny, is that with both of these women, I never really saw them as "overweight" in all these years I've known them. I think women have a much different way of looking at themselves and others then men do. These women weren't overweight in my eyes, they were "zaftig" - the Yiddish word for pleasingly plump. I had always known them this way, and loved them for who they were, and so whether they weighed more than they ideally should didn't matter to me. I think a lot of my friends and relatives are like that as well. They love me unconditionally and accept me unconditionally and so my weight isn't a huge issue for them. But now that I've seen both Susan and Rosalee post weight loss, I can see what a huge undertaking it had to have been for them both. So...if they can do it, I can do it.

My friends Debbi and Julia are my inspirations for reasons other than having lost weight. Quite the contrary, the LAST thing these two women need to do is lose weight! Both women are at different stages of fending off cancer. Both have gotten right up to the door to check out and have pulled back. Both are in precarious positions. But both have such an amazing spirit and fortitude that you can't help but be inspired by them. They approach their cancer and its treatment completely differently but they both have achieved a serenity and grace that makes them earthbound angels in my opinion. When I get too full of my own self-pity or whining, I just have to think of Debbi and Julia and what they have been living through to get my head back on straight.

Encouragement

Today's battle:

I survived my first day without getting cranky, going through sugar withdrawal or feeling too starved. I figured out during the day that I need to be more prepared at work and make sure I have "safe" or "low points value" snacks to take the edge off of my hunger. I could tell by late morning that my fruit yogurt with Cheerios and plum were not going to satisfy me and decided to go to the grocery store at lunch to find some okay snacks (other than raw carrots) that I could keep at my desk to safely snack on. I was craving crunchy and salty, but being ever so mindful of needing to keep things in perspective, I ended up with a variety of snack crackers and rice cakes! I couldn't imagine what a cashier would think if I went through the checkout line with just cracker type items so I checked myself out! Now that's a behavior that's typically to hide all of the unhealthy things I'm buying! I bought several different brands of crackers because a) they appealed to me; b) I wanted to take them back to the office so I could check their points value on the website; and c) they were on sale! No worries - I had other healthy lunch items to eat, but these are just for the occasional nibble. My new goal with these items will be to only eat the prescribed amount that has the lowest points value and not eat the entire box!

At the end of the day though, I had fulfilling and tasty meals and snacks, and still had 3 points to spare!

Encouragement:

Since I posted the blog on my Facebook profile and sent out an email to friends and relatives, I've received a number of encouraging emails and phone calls. That means sooooo much to me and is how I know I'll succeed this time. I had one friend call me and tell me that the next time I'm tempted to go through the Mrs. Winners drive through to get a jug of sweet tea to call her! Another said I was inspiring her....but I'll feel better about that after I've lost a few or more pounds or maybe have hit an initial milestone.

But it was a couple of long emails that I got from one friend that I found the most interesting and surprising. It just goes to show that we all have our hidden pain and one can never assume anything about another person. I've known this woman for a number of years now, and she and I have seen each other through some REALLY tough times. But the one test that I never thought she would have would be this challenge of weight loss. She's never looked out of shape to me and so when she shared some of her inner struggles with me I was really shocked. But she also said some really interesting things that I asked permission to reprint here, although anonymously.


She wrote: Food is every where! It is abundantly available and we wonder why we have such a hard time resisting! I have to go to the store, I tell myself to only get what I need and then I get to the counter and there are the candy bars. Literally, I start the inner battle right there and nobody knows it but my self. Sometimes, I win and sometimes the chocolate wins but nevertheless I'm sick and tired of the battle.

I thought some more about my daily, (and I mean daily) inner negative self talk and I thought about what goes on inside my head and I thought, "My god, I would never speak to another person this way." And frankly, I am so compassionate towards other people and their struggle with weight because it has always been such an enormous struggle for me and I encourage and encourage other people but why don't I do that for "me". Currently, my sister is struggling with the effects of being overweight and I would never look down upon her and yet I speak to myself in such a negative way. Additionally, I would never let another person get away with speaking to me like I am speaking to my "self".

Unfortunately, I went to the store this morning and when I went to pay I picked up two candy bars. I'm sitting her screaming at myself because I also don't feel well when I eat so much sugar.



One of her running conversations: "If you eat that right now you'll gain weight tonight," "Shit I want that chocolate", "I don't care, I'm eating it anyway," "Are you really hungry? Yes, I'm always hungry, are you really? No, but I feel really sad right now, etc., etc.,etc.

I so relate to her comments about the ongoing negative self talk. I don't know where we learn this and why we do it - but I'm very "good" at talking badly to myself. And like her, I would never do that to someone else so why should I do it to myself? It's a mystery...but then - this is why I opened this forum up so publicly - so I can get the positive talk externally.

I'm going to try not to get to lengthy with these blog posts - but I am a writer, and once I start typing it's hard to stop!

Labor Day Resolutions

For some odd reason I use Labor Day as my "new year" when it comes to dieting. It goes back two years when I was in a similar panic mode about my weight. I had, apparently, some pretty severe sleep apnea and I kept waking myself up in the middle of the night feeling like I was suffocating. Probably I was. When I lay down, I think the fat around my neck blocks my trachea in a way that makes the intake of air more difficult.

Not wanting to die in my sleep, I resolved to get the weight off. One of my serious "addictions" was Coca-Cola. Not Pepsi, not RC Cola, only Coca-Cola. And it had to be the "real" thing - no diet cola for me. In previous diets I would always save my calories to make sure I could still have at least one Coca-Cola a day! When I wasn't dieting, I would drink anywhere from 1/2 to a full liter a day. A DAY!!!! This habit started early in life - although not as bad as when I became an adult. I remember my father expressing concern over the amount of Coca-Cola I was drinking as a teen-ager - saying I was going to destroy my kidneys if I kept on.

I didn't think I would ever be able to quit. Like an alcoholic or a drug addict, I felt as though I had to have my Coca-Cola fix every day. Of course, what's funny is that early incarnations of Coca-Cola, back when it was first developed - did have trace amounts of cocao - the deriviative of cocaine - in it. That probably got people hooked then - but what about now? For me it's likely the sugar - I'm definitely a sugar addict.

At any rate - on Labor Day 2006 I drank my very last Coca-Cola! I quit cold turkey the very next day. And the amazing thing is that I didn't miss it - never had one craving or withdrawal symptom - nothing! I've been Coca-Cola free for two years!

Being inspired by that success this time last year, I decided to go cold turkey on sweet tea - my other addiction. Being a true Southern belle - sweet tea is my preferred drink. And it didn't help matters much when McDonald's started selling large gooey sweet teas at $1 a pop. Then other restaurants followed suit so now even Mrs. Winner's - who definitely has the best sweet tea on the face of the planet - started selling their large sweet tea for a $1. What's a good Southern girl to do?

I stopped cold turkey with the sweet tea last year on Labor Day, and lasted all of 4 months! Fell off the wagon big time - unapologetically. I drive through McDonalds so often these days they practically have my order ready for me. Sometimes I've been known to get 2 sweet teas at a time!

Low and behold - I'm now at an all time high in terms of my weight. Gee...do you think the sweet tea could've had anything to do with that?

So here it is Labor Day again, and I'm resolved to start again. I joined Weight Watchers online, I went to McDonalds this morning and got my last sausage and biscuit and two final sweet teas and starting tomorrow - it's counting points and moving forward!

Here I Go Again!

Okay - so really - I have to lose weight and get healthy. I'm 54 years old, I have a beautiful 1 year old grandson who I want to be able to help take care of - but at my current weight I'm out of energy quickly - it's harder to stoop over and pick him up, I run out of breath and turn red in the face - that can't be good. I have off the charts high cholesterol and triglycerides and I don't want to have to take medication. Fortunately I'm not diabetic or even borderline but the amount of sugar I've been pumping into my body is definitely impacting how I feel and I can't continue at the pace I've been going in the last year.

I'm frustrated with myself because I've done the yo-yo weight loss and gain for too many years now. Just last year I lost about 40 lbs. I felt good, I didn't "miss" the things I had stopped eating, everyone was telling me how great I looked, which boosted my self esteem - and yet I stopped that pattern of eating and went right back to what I had done before. The 40 lbs quickly came back on and I'm close to adding another 10! I don't know why I don't stay motivated when everything about the weight loss is positive and I'm feeling well and energized. I definitely don't now.

So....this time I decided to make it a public battle. By writing on a blog and knowing friends and strangers alike are reading it, perhaps I'll feel more accountability and will stay the course better. Beginning September 1 (which for some reason has become my dieting "new year" and when I make my resolutions!) I'm joining Weight Watchers and will chart my progress as well as vent my frustrations and challenges on this blog. I'm posting current photos of me below, and as I lose I'll update photos for the visual effect as my body hopefully changes (definitely clothed however!)

I'm being brave by showing these photos - but it's the only way I know to really get my own attention!