Encouragement

Today's battle:

I survived my first day without getting cranky, going through sugar withdrawal or feeling too starved. I figured out during the day that I need to be more prepared at work and make sure I have "safe" or "low points value" snacks to take the edge off of my hunger. I could tell by late morning that my fruit yogurt with Cheerios and plum were not going to satisfy me and decided to go to the grocery store at lunch to find some okay snacks (other than raw carrots) that I could keep at my desk to safely snack on. I was craving crunchy and salty, but being ever so mindful of needing to keep things in perspective, I ended up with a variety of snack crackers and rice cakes! I couldn't imagine what a cashier would think if I went through the checkout line with just cracker type items so I checked myself out! Now that's a behavior that's typically to hide all of the unhealthy things I'm buying! I bought several different brands of crackers because a) they appealed to me; b) I wanted to take them back to the office so I could check their points value on the website; and c) they were on sale! No worries - I had other healthy lunch items to eat, but these are just for the occasional nibble. My new goal with these items will be to only eat the prescribed amount that has the lowest points value and not eat the entire box!

At the end of the day though, I had fulfilling and tasty meals and snacks, and still had 3 points to spare!

Encouragement:

Since I posted the blog on my Facebook profile and sent out an email to friends and relatives, I've received a number of encouraging emails and phone calls. That means sooooo much to me and is how I know I'll succeed this time. I had one friend call me and tell me that the next time I'm tempted to go through the Mrs. Winners drive through to get a jug of sweet tea to call her! Another said I was inspiring her....but I'll feel better about that after I've lost a few or more pounds or maybe have hit an initial milestone.

But it was a couple of long emails that I got from one friend that I found the most interesting and surprising. It just goes to show that we all have our hidden pain and one can never assume anything about another person. I've known this woman for a number of years now, and she and I have seen each other through some REALLY tough times. But the one test that I never thought she would have would be this challenge of weight loss. She's never looked out of shape to me and so when she shared some of her inner struggles with me I was really shocked. But she also said some really interesting things that I asked permission to reprint here, although anonymously.


She wrote: Food is every where! It is abundantly available and we wonder why we have such a hard time resisting! I have to go to the store, I tell myself to only get what I need and then I get to the counter and there are the candy bars. Literally, I start the inner battle right there and nobody knows it but my self. Sometimes, I win and sometimes the chocolate wins but nevertheless I'm sick and tired of the battle.

I thought some more about my daily, (and I mean daily) inner negative self talk and I thought about what goes on inside my head and I thought, "My god, I would never speak to another person this way." And frankly, I am so compassionate towards other people and their struggle with weight because it has always been such an enormous struggle for me and I encourage and encourage other people but why don't I do that for "me". Currently, my sister is struggling with the effects of being overweight and I would never look down upon her and yet I speak to myself in such a negative way. Additionally, I would never let another person get away with speaking to me like I am speaking to my "self".

Unfortunately, I went to the store this morning and when I went to pay I picked up two candy bars. I'm sitting her screaming at myself because I also don't feel well when I eat so much sugar.



One of her running conversations: "If you eat that right now you'll gain weight tonight," "Shit I want that chocolate", "I don't care, I'm eating it anyway," "Are you really hungry? Yes, I'm always hungry, are you really? No, but I feel really sad right now, etc., etc.,etc.

I so relate to her comments about the ongoing negative self talk. I don't know where we learn this and why we do it - but I'm very "good" at talking badly to myself. And like her, I would never do that to someone else so why should I do it to myself? It's a mystery...but then - this is why I opened this forum up so publicly - so I can get the positive talk externally.

I'm going to try not to get to lengthy with these blog posts - but I am a writer, and once I start typing it's hard to stop!