Small Victories

As I suspected, last week's 5 lb. weight loss was a bit of "new diet" fluke. This week's weigh in showed only 1/2 lb. loss, which is still a loss - and proves my theory that my typical average weekly weight loss hangs around 2.5 to 3 lbs. - which if I stay that course still keeps me achieving my initial short term goal and puts me well on my way to my long term goal. But I also know that there will be weeks when I "plateau" so I still need to keep it in perspective.

I did a little self analysis as to why I didn't lose more this week and can only think that it has to do with sodium intake. I ate out more than I should have in one week - having gone to Outback Steak House on Wednesday, Olive Garden on Friday, and O'Charley's on Saturday! That's a lot of good eatin'! BUT....each time I chose wisely in what I ordered, sticking with salads at Outback and O'Charleys - although the salad at Outback was a "black and bleu" salad with steak. Friday evening at Olive Garden I did really well and ordered a grilled chicken dish that had an apricot sauce and steamed veggies. And...I didn't even eat all of the chicken but brought it home for another meal on Sunday! Yet, I know that eating out at restaurants, even if choosing wisely also means having more flavoring that contains sodium and sugar that I have no control over. So I need to watch that and maybe cut back on the eating out thing - it'll save on the pocketbook as well!

Still - I have small victories I can be proud of and celebrate. When at Outback and O'Charleys, I did not, repeat DID NOT eat any of the fabulous rolls they both serve before your meal! And I'm all about some good yeast rolls - but I was a good 'DooBee' and resisted the temptation. I can never eat just one roll anyway - I have to slather it in butter and absolutely will eat more than one. So my goal is to never take that first bite thinking "it won't hurt."

I've also managed to drive by McDonalds every day for the first two weeks of the new plan without my car automatically taking that right turn in to the drive thru to get a sausage biscuit and sweet tea! For the last few months I've been getting one if not two sweet teas A DAY, and at least once, if not twice or three times a week getting a sausage and biscuit for breakfast. I'd love to know how much sugar I'm no longer putting into my body just from cutting out the sweet tea!

So I look forward to another week, and perhaps next Monday I'll have better news in terms of the weight loss.

Sisterhood of the Fat Pants

Okay - I know it's a bad pun, but I bet every woman I know who read that title knew immediately what I was talking about! We all have a closet full of clothes ranging in sizes from when we were a good healthy weight to when we were at our most heavy. When we lose weight, we're terrified to get rid of the "fat" clothes for fear that we'll need them later (and no doubt - creating a "self-fulfilling prophecy" in which we do eventually need them again), and when we gain weight, we hold on to the smaller sized clothing in the hopes of "one day" getting back into them. For years I somewhat unrealistically held on to a couple of pair of jeans that I probably hadn't worn since I was 20 years old, but....you never know!

However, you know it's time to "man up" (or "woman up") when it comes to weight loss when even the largest of your fat pants begin to feel a little tight. That's what scared me into this new regime. My khaki slacks that I'm required to wear for work come in a range of sizes, and a mere six months ago, most of them felt somewhat loose on me when I put them on. When I found that I was having increasing difficulty buttoning or zipping those slacks, I took a good hard look at myself. This summer I also had a wake up call with my two pair of crop pants that I wear most of the time - I bought them a little over two years ago - identical slacks, one black and one white. In the spring and summer they're great because they go with everything - I can put any color blouse with either one of them and I've got a great outfit. In the fall and winter of 2006-2007 I had lost close to 40 pounds and I was getting a great aerobic workout every week by going contra dancing. There was a point that I had to be careful wearing my crop pants because they had gotten so loose that I worried that they would fall off when I was being whirled around the dance floor!

No so much a worry today. This summer both of those pairs of pants became increasingly difficult to button - to the point that in their design - they have both a button and a hook closure - and I kept tearing the hook closure and having to sew it back on! Think it's a "sign"?

And now I'm determined to not buy any more clothes that are a larger size. Partially because I'm cheap, but mostly because I just will no longer accept that my larger size is my life now. If I don't buy larger clothes, then I'm forced to do something about my weight in order to fit my current clothing more comfortably. So I might look a little "tatty" for a while until the weight comes off - but hopefully everyone will understand.

However....the Good News
Today is "casual day" at work and I was thrilled when I put on my black crop pants to find them quite easy to zip and button and with even a little "give" in the waist band! Not bad for two weeks huh?

'Tis the season - and the challenge!

Even though it's still early September, I'm already having to plan how to cope with the holiday season that is about to descend upon us. Typically this is the time of year that I lose complete control because of all the holiday foods, family gatherings, parties, etc.

I was reminded about this issue this morning when I was congratulating myself for getting past the box of chocolate chip muffins sitting in the kitchen at my workplace all week without being tempted to grab one (or two...or three). But my workplace is where I have the most difficulty.

Consider:

1. At my office we have a potluck staff luncheon every couple of months.
2. For every staff person's birthday we have a party with ice cream and cake.
3. The office manager's mother is a caterer so anytime she has left overs from an event or if she's testing out a new recipe, we are the recipients of her largesse.
4. Because of the type of organization we are, during the holidays we are lavished with gifts of food - from both appreciative organization members that we serve or our vendors.
5. Beginning at about Halloween and going well through Christmas there is always some delectable temptation sitting in the kitchen for our consumption.
6. Any time a staff person bakes, or has leftovers from a party, they bring it to share with the rest of the staff.

So celebrating getting past the muffins may be premature - how am I going to resist all of the goodies about to be unleashed? The staff luncheons are easier to handle because we usually have enough variety that I can choose wisely and watch my portion control. The onslaught of chocolates, cakes, candy of all varieties, cheese balls, sausage rolls, etc. - that'll be the problem.

I'm taking suggestions on how to negotiate the next few months!

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

If you take a look at the "Current Weight" to the left - you'll see that in just five days I lost five pounds! I was shocked and thrilled when I got on the scales this morning and saw that number on the scales. Now I'm not naive...I've been dieting for most of my adult life, so I know that the first week of weight loss is usually dramatic and then it'll slow down. I should consider even one pound a week a success. With past diets an average weight loss for me is 3 pounds a week, but that was also with some heart rate revving activity on a regular basis. I haven't initiated the activity yet - still trying to figure out my schedule to determine what makes the most sense. But hopefully once I introduce that element my weight loss will hang around the three pounds a week mark.

Still - seeing that five pound drop in just a matter of days is great for the ego and is a motivation to stay the course.

A Step Back
However....there's always a however isn't there? Today was one of those days, where it was difficult to keep track of my points (the Weight Watchers plan allots you so many points per day and assigns point values to food items). My son, daughter-in-law and grandson spent the weekend with me and today after our Sunday morning Baha'i school, we went to a fabulous Chinese buffet for lunch. I was pretty good at watching what I ate, staying away from fried or oily foods, and I didn't eat nearly as much as I ordinarily would - yet I felt pretty full and happy after this lunch! I decided not to try to calculate the points and just opted for not eating dinner.

That was the problem! I had an evening event to attend and a crisis with a friend who was locked out of her home that took until 10 p.m. to resolve and by the time I got home I was ravenous. The mini-bag of popcorn that is only one point didn't do - if nothing - it just helped me realize just how hungry I was! There was a "to go" box from our family dinner yesterday full of pita bread wedges and real butter. Uh oh - I know better than this. But of course, the justifications jumped in - I hadn't eaten dinner, I probably had available points to spend, although how could I know since I didn't record them earlier? A couple of wedges and a little butter wouldn't hurt. And it wouldn't have - except that the two wedges triggered a need for a couple of more wedges, which in turn led to two more! Maybe not so much from the pita bread, but the thick butter slathered on the wedges most definitely led me past the allowable points. But it was soooo good going down!

I learned my lesson however - and know I have to be more careful about planning my meals in advance, keeping a good eye on my points, and remembering how good it felt to see that first five pounds disappear.

As Scarlett O'Hara would say, "Tomorrow is another day."

My Inspirations

I've added a column to the left of my postings with a list of my inspirations. I may add to the list occasionally, but these are the five people who will most likely keep me motivated to move forward.

First, my grandson Hayden - for obvious reasons! He is the delight of my heart and a reason to want to get healthy and stay healthy. I remember my mother doing the same when both my sons were born - she started getting more exercise and stopped smoking. It's amazing what one little guy can do to get you thinking about how you need to refocus your priorities!

Then there are two close friends who are weight loss queens! Susan, who started on Weight Watchers three years ago and also began running for exercise, is about half of herself now and running marathons! She never has told me exactly how much she lost, but the before and after photos are astonishing. Unfortunately I don't have them to post here. She swears by WW and will be my "sponsor" for lack of a better word - someone to whine to, call on, get tips from, and generally encourage me. Although she's about 15 years younger than me, she still gets the prize for discipline and generally getting her head in the right place regarding food issues. And we all know that for most women, weight issues are less about wanting to overeat just for the sake of eating, and more likely multiple emotional issues that gets acted out with food.

Rosalee is another study in determination and amazing success. I saw Rosalee for the first time in a year this past weekend. She lives in Maine now but comes to Nashville occasionally to visit her daughter and son-in-law and other family members. Two and a half years ago Rosalee joined a 12-step food addicts program. Not Overeaters Anonymous, but along the same lines. She quickly started losing weight (although it probably didn't feel quick to her!) and when I saw her just six months into this program, she was already looking great. But I was totally unprepared for how she looked when I saw her this past weekend! She actually looked better than she did when she was 30 years old. And while I won't tell her age, let's just say she's more than a few years older than me! She looked absolutely stunning - and again I'm thinking - if she can do this, so can I!

I wish I had before and after photos of these two women to show everyone - assuming they would let me! I need to have their photos posted right in front of me all the time to keep me going. What's funny, is that with both of these women, I never really saw them as "overweight" in all these years I've known them. I think women have a much different way of looking at themselves and others then men do. These women weren't overweight in my eyes, they were "zaftig" - the Yiddish word for pleasingly plump. I had always known them this way, and loved them for who they were, and so whether they weighed more than they ideally should didn't matter to me. I think a lot of my friends and relatives are like that as well. They love me unconditionally and accept me unconditionally and so my weight isn't a huge issue for them. But now that I've seen both Susan and Rosalee post weight loss, I can see what a huge undertaking it had to have been for them both. So...if they can do it, I can do it.

My friends Debbi and Julia are my inspirations for reasons other than having lost weight. Quite the contrary, the LAST thing these two women need to do is lose weight! Both women are at different stages of fending off cancer. Both have gotten right up to the door to check out and have pulled back. Both are in precarious positions. But both have such an amazing spirit and fortitude that you can't help but be inspired by them. They approach their cancer and its treatment completely differently but they both have achieved a serenity and grace that makes them earthbound angels in my opinion. When I get too full of my own self-pity or whining, I just have to think of Debbi and Julia and what they have been living through to get my head back on straight.

Encouragement

Today's battle:

I survived my first day without getting cranky, going through sugar withdrawal or feeling too starved. I figured out during the day that I need to be more prepared at work and make sure I have "safe" or "low points value" snacks to take the edge off of my hunger. I could tell by late morning that my fruit yogurt with Cheerios and plum were not going to satisfy me and decided to go to the grocery store at lunch to find some okay snacks (other than raw carrots) that I could keep at my desk to safely snack on. I was craving crunchy and salty, but being ever so mindful of needing to keep things in perspective, I ended up with a variety of snack crackers and rice cakes! I couldn't imagine what a cashier would think if I went through the checkout line with just cracker type items so I checked myself out! Now that's a behavior that's typically to hide all of the unhealthy things I'm buying! I bought several different brands of crackers because a) they appealed to me; b) I wanted to take them back to the office so I could check their points value on the website; and c) they were on sale! No worries - I had other healthy lunch items to eat, but these are just for the occasional nibble. My new goal with these items will be to only eat the prescribed amount that has the lowest points value and not eat the entire box!

At the end of the day though, I had fulfilling and tasty meals and snacks, and still had 3 points to spare!

Encouragement:

Since I posted the blog on my Facebook profile and sent out an email to friends and relatives, I've received a number of encouraging emails and phone calls. That means sooooo much to me and is how I know I'll succeed this time. I had one friend call me and tell me that the next time I'm tempted to go through the Mrs. Winners drive through to get a jug of sweet tea to call her! Another said I was inspiring her....but I'll feel better about that after I've lost a few or more pounds or maybe have hit an initial milestone.

But it was a couple of long emails that I got from one friend that I found the most interesting and surprising. It just goes to show that we all have our hidden pain and one can never assume anything about another person. I've known this woman for a number of years now, and she and I have seen each other through some REALLY tough times. But the one test that I never thought she would have would be this challenge of weight loss. She's never looked out of shape to me and so when she shared some of her inner struggles with me I was really shocked. But she also said some really interesting things that I asked permission to reprint here, although anonymously.


She wrote: Food is every where! It is abundantly available and we wonder why we have such a hard time resisting! I have to go to the store, I tell myself to only get what I need and then I get to the counter and there are the candy bars. Literally, I start the inner battle right there and nobody knows it but my self. Sometimes, I win and sometimes the chocolate wins but nevertheless I'm sick and tired of the battle.

I thought some more about my daily, (and I mean daily) inner negative self talk and I thought about what goes on inside my head and I thought, "My god, I would never speak to another person this way." And frankly, I am so compassionate towards other people and their struggle with weight because it has always been such an enormous struggle for me and I encourage and encourage other people but why don't I do that for "me". Currently, my sister is struggling with the effects of being overweight and I would never look down upon her and yet I speak to myself in such a negative way. Additionally, I would never let another person get away with speaking to me like I am speaking to my "self".

Unfortunately, I went to the store this morning and when I went to pay I picked up two candy bars. I'm sitting her screaming at myself because I also don't feel well when I eat so much sugar.



One of her running conversations: "If you eat that right now you'll gain weight tonight," "Shit I want that chocolate", "I don't care, I'm eating it anyway," "Are you really hungry? Yes, I'm always hungry, are you really? No, but I feel really sad right now, etc., etc.,etc.

I so relate to her comments about the ongoing negative self talk. I don't know where we learn this and why we do it - but I'm very "good" at talking badly to myself. And like her, I would never do that to someone else so why should I do it to myself? It's a mystery...but then - this is why I opened this forum up so publicly - so I can get the positive talk externally.

I'm going to try not to get to lengthy with these blog posts - but I am a writer, and once I start typing it's hard to stop!

Labor Day Resolutions

For some odd reason I use Labor Day as my "new year" when it comes to dieting. It goes back two years when I was in a similar panic mode about my weight. I had, apparently, some pretty severe sleep apnea and I kept waking myself up in the middle of the night feeling like I was suffocating. Probably I was. When I lay down, I think the fat around my neck blocks my trachea in a way that makes the intake of air more difficult.

Not wanting to die in my sleep, I resolved to get the weight off. One of my serious "addictions" was Coca-Cola. Not Pepsi, not RC Cola, only Coca-Cola. And it had to be the "real" thing - no diet cola for me. In previous diets I would always save my calories to make sure I could still have at least one Coca-Cola a day! When I wasn't dieting, I would drink anywhere from 1/2 to a full liter a day. A DAY!!!! This habit started early in life - although not as bad as when I became an adult. I remember my father expressing concern over the amount of Coca-Cola I was drinking as a teen-ager - saying I was going to destroy my kidneys if I kept on.

I didn't think I would ever be able to quit. Like an alcoholic or a drug addict, I felt as though I had to have my Coca-Cola fix every day. Of course, what's funny is that early incarnations of Coca-Cola, back when it was first developed - did have trace amounts of cocao - the deriviative of cocaine - in it. That probably got people hooked then - but what about now? For me it's likely the sugar - I'm definitely a sugar addict.

At any rate - on Labor Day 2006 I drank my very last Coca-Cola! I quit cold turkey the very next day. And the amazing thing is that I didn't miss it - never had one craving or withdrawal symptom - nothing! I've been Coca-Cola free for two years!

Being inspired by that success this time last year, I decided to go cold turkey on sweet tea - my other addiction. Being a true Southern belle - sweet tea is my preferred drink. And it didn't help matters much when McDonald's started selling large gooey sweet teas at $1 a pop. Then other restaurants followed suit so now even Mrs. Winner's - who definitely has the best sweet tea on the face of the planet - started selling their large sweet tea for a $1. What's a good Southern girl to do?

I stopped cold turkey with the sweet tea last year on Labor Day, and lasted all of 4 months! Fell off the wagon big time - unapologetically. I drive through McDonalds so often these days they practically have my order ready for me. Sometimes I've been known to get 2 sweet teas at a time!

Low and behold - I'm now at an all time high in terms of my weight. Gee...do you think the sweet tea could've had anything to do with that?

So here it is Labor Day again, and I'm resolved to start again. I joined Weight Watchers online, I went to McDonalds this morning and got my last sausage and biscuit and two final sweet teas and starting tomorrow - it's counting points and moving forward!