Time to End the Pain!

Okay, as you all have noticed - and certainly let me know! - I haven't updated the blog all summer! My last post is from May 29. The primary reason for not blogging is that I just haven't done well at all with this newest effort. I repeated my same pattern of starting out enthusiastically, then having something happen to hamper one aspect of the plan, and then falling off all together! Who wants to blog about that? I thought the accountability of having a blog to journal about my progress would keep me on track this time, but no - I just went into my typical avoidance mode!

I haven't necessarily returned to ALL of my bad eating habits (although I don't know if Chase and Jenn would agree with that!) but I definitely had difficulty with the whole 300 calories every 3 hours. I mean - how hard is that? But yet I manage to find an excuse for not being able to do it. I wonder if it's the "pressure" of a weight loss program? Everytime I've done any kind of weight loss plan, I have the same pattern. And the more someone comments about the fact that I'm not sticking with the plan (Chase!) the more likely I am to emotionally rebel and go further off the diet.

When I was at the doctor the other day on another matter I asked him about it. Surely, I asked, there is some kind of safe weight loss or appetite suppressant drug that I could take that can help me - I just can't do it myself. But he just shook his head and said no - I shouldn't look for a fast or quick solution - just gradually alter my eating habits to get rid of the bad stuff and do more healthy stuff, and be satisfied to lose maybe a pound a week. What he had to say just really sort of woke me up and ever since I've been thinking about how to do that. There's no diet plan or weight loss program that I haven't tried, and I've had the same results everytime, so maybe it's just counting calories in a more relaxed way - trying to stay under say 1500 calories a day, but not obsessing about it.

The one tool I have that I think will help even with a non-stressful way of trying to lose weight is the Hungry Girl book and website. As long as they keep posting delicious recipes that you can eat for less than 200 calories, plus the great education they do on how many calories are in a lot of restaurant foods, at least I'll be mindful about what to order and what not to order. I highly recommend www.hungrygirl.com.

And the other thing I may eventually do is try to go back on the Blood Type food plan that will eliminate wheat and other products from my diet. I was the most successful when I was doing that, and I felt really good at the time as well. While not "classically" allergic to wheat - no celiac disease, etc. I do find that I do better with eating a lot of wheat products. I'm also thinking I might be mildly allergic to peanut butter.

Of course, my biggest bugaboo is still the lack of exercise. I was doing well for a while on the Wii Fit, and then stopped with that. At the time I blamed a sore back and hip, and I think it's true that doing the Hula Hoop routine wasn't great for my hips, but now I feel better and I don't really have any great excuse. Just lame reasons for not getting more exercise. At some point I'll figure that out!

So all this to say that this is my last Diet Wars blog entry! But that doesn't mean I'm giving up on getting more healthy, I just think I need to be more private with it. And once I achieve any reasonable success - believe me - my blog fans will hear about it!

However, do "stay tuned" for another blog adventure. I'm a writer, but writing the kinds of stories I want to write is another area where I lack discipline, due to lack of time. I've been thinking about the various story lines I've started that I want to get back to, so I've hit upon a blog writing exercise that I can include my friends in. Sort of an online writer's group. Once I've gotten started on that - I'll let everyone know and post it to FaceBook.

I want to sincerely thank everyone who did read my blog, who encouraged me, who shared their own difficulties with weight loss, and who bugged me when I wasn't posting entries. It's nice to know I have such a supportive group of friends and family.

Crunchy Munchies

My challenge this week is getting the munchies - especially after 9 p.m. I've been trying, based on the advice of my trainer, not to eat after 9 p.m. I usually consume most of my 300 calories at dinner, which leaves little for a snack. But between 8 and 10 I get REAL hungry. I need to make the lo-cal jello dessert one friend gave me the recipe for, but I'm usually hungry for crunchy things - pretzels, crackers, popcorn, or dry cereal. Fortunately I'm not craving sweets, although I may get a cookie or something slightly sweetened like yogurt, especially if I've had spicy food. But it's the crunchy munchies that threaten to do me in.

Because....even if in and of themselves, small portions of any the crunchy items aren't too bad - I'm firmly in the "you can't eat just one" camp - and so I'll find myself saying "I'll have just one, or a few" and before you know it I've finished off the bag! Gotta get a plan to keep that from happening.

Last night it happened again but I rationalized it with the fact that I had "run" (actually slow jogged in place) for 15 minutes with the WiiFit. And in Weight Watchers when you exercise you earn extra points - so I figure I can justify having a snack because of the exercise I did - Sorry Jenn!

Any ideas or tips for making myself full enough on 300 calories to not get the munchies will be appreciated!

And what does anyone think about the over the counter diet aids that are supposed to suppress appetites? Years ago I used dexatrim for a while - but the caffeine in it made me REALLY hyper! Now they have caffeine-free dexatrim, but I wonder about the other ingredients and how safe they might be. Any thoughts?

An Interesting Effect to Being Calorie Conscious

I suppose this will elicit a big "duh" from most of you, but it finally occured to me why there's value in counting calories. I typically have shied away from diets that required keeping track of calories, preferring either "prepackaged" foods, counting points, looking at fat content, etc. So these last two weeks have been an education for me as I've had to be conscious about how many calories I'm ingesting. First of all, as I mentioned before, there's virtually nothing on any restaurant menu that is less than 300 calories. So I've learned that I'm just going to have to go prepared to work to have lunches and even breakfast in the office and keeping low calorie snacks on hand.

But the one thing I discovered after reading some blog materials that shared the number of calories in various food items and also researching restaurant websites on my own - the thought of ingesting more than 300 calories at a time is no longer appealing to me. When watching commericals on television related to food, and seeing all the tantalizing dishes being waved in front of your face, now instead of doing the "ooh and aah -I want that!" mantra, I find myself saying "Jeez, can you imagine how many calories are in that?" I actually am finding that I'm turned off by the food products I see in front of me that are likely laden with both fat and calories. I find that instead, I enjoy rising to the challenge of finding something for 300 calories that I can eat and feel somewhat satisfied.

So now, I've got some kind of "trigger" that helps prevent me from eating a lot of calories, just because of that new level of awareness I have. I suppose this is something I should've "gotten" years ago, and likely I wouldn't be in the state I'm in now if I had understood this fairly simple principle sooner, but - it's better late than never! I think this will make my current goals a little easier to attain. We'll see.

This week was a good week in that I was in some challenging situations that I managed to handle quite nicely. We ordered pizza one night and I was able to eat only one slice and be happy with that. Had some salad along with it. Had an unexpected lunch invitation with friends on Wednesday, and they wanted to go to a Thai restaurant. Yeesh - I love me some chicken or tofu pad thai, but know how much oil they cook it in and know I can't go anywhere near it. Fortunately they had a nice tossed salad with curried chicken strips and a typical Thai peanut sauce. I kept the sauce on the side and just occasionally dipped the chicken strips in it, just enough for a taste. I felt very virtuous that day.

Challenges

My only real challenge right now I think is the exercise part. I did take my grandson for a walk in the park the other day, and at least once this week I've done the Wii Fit and Wii Boxing. But I'm having a lot of aches and pains and it's getting very hard to do the exercise. It was all I could do to walk a 1/2 mile, maybe a mile loop with the grandson, and yesterday I tried lifting 5 lb. weights and could barely get my arms up - couldn't even get my extended arm up to shoulder level with the weights. My right hip and leg have been aching like crazy as well. I don't know if these aches and pains and difficulty lifting are symptoms of being so out of shape, symptoms of age, if there's something "wrong" with me health wise, or if it's because I have been doing a little more activity than I've been used to. But it's a little concerning and I'll be keeping track of all of that to see if I need to see my doctor.

Speaking of Wii Fit, though, I forgot to mention in my first blog about Wii Fit about the "fitness age" feature. After the system takes your weight, determines your BMI and puts you through a few balance exercises, it gives you your "fit" age - as in how old your body really is. I shouldn't admit it here, but honest to God it told me that I have the body of a 75 year old! Twenty years older than I really am! Maybe that's why I have all the aches and pains! The Veema better be kicking in soon!

-3 and Counting!

My first week with the new fitness plan and I lost 3 pounds. That's a good start. That's including the fact that while I did exercise more than I have been, I still didn't exercise a lot, and it's also including the fact that I "lost" it a little bit on Friday and ate more than my 300 calories every 3 hours. However, my "binge" was still on healthy food - I didn't go out and get a Sonic Snickers Blizzard like I wanted to, so that's the good news! I'm happy.

I neglected to mention before that I'm not going to necessarily post my weight loss every week like I did when I first started this blog. You'll notice that feature is gone from the blog. With the Wii Fit, you can only put a goal for weight loss at 22 pounds at a time. So I figure that when I reach that first goal of 22 pounds lost - I'll post that, and then reset the goal on Wii Fit. That's also roughly in keeping with Weight Watchers which recommends you only set a goal of 10% of your current weight.

I've been having fun checking out the fast food websites to see what, if anything, is on their menus that is 300 calories or less. Obviously there's precious little! Even the little Jr. Deluxe Burger from Sonic that I love so much is more than 300 calories. But there are a few items. Some of the breakfast items - egg burritos for example - are around 300 calories, and you can usually find a salad with grilled chicken for 300 calories. However, that is dependent on which restaurant and how much additional "stuff" they add to the salad. For example, I love the McDonald's Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad, but because of all the extra ingredients (beans and corn and the delicious Southwest Dressing) it's way more than 300 calories. However, the Tendergrill Chicken Garden Salad at Burger King, with their packet of fat-free Ranch dressing, is exactly 300 calories - and that's typically pretty filling. I've noticed, though, with BK that they've started skimping on the salad part - it's a much smaller bowl and fewer tomatoes and carrots. But of all the fast food restaurants, I like their grilled chicken the best. Jack in the Box gets the worst scores from me for skimping on the chicken part.

I also happily discovered that a slice of pizza is anywhere from 140-196 calories, which means when we have pizza day at work this week I can at least have that one slice and added with a salad should have a very satisfying meal. As long as I can eat foods like this, even the smaller portions, at least I won't feel deprived.

I am going to start a new feature in the column to the left, sort of my own version of Hungry Girl. When I discover these little jewels of information about foods and calories, I'll post them here for everyone to access.

So who's up for a 1-slice per person pizza party?!

Vitameatavegamin!

The third approach I'm taking to this new fitness/weightloss regime is to add a vitamin supplement. This came about unexpectedly and by happenstance, and according to my son, the skeptic, is totally unnecessary and possibly dangerous.

I'm sure that vitamin and mineral supplements are necessary for me because I'm likely not getting enough through my food. But I'm notoriously bad about staying consisent on taking vitamins. I'll take prescribed medication, but staying consistent with taking a vitamin is just asking a lot of me. Not sure why, it just is.

A couple of years back a friend had me taking numerous natural supplements through a company she was working with and swore by. I was taking all sorts of things, and they each had a specific body part or health concern they targeted. But I usually had to take two to three doses of some of these supplements a day and I wound up taking 10 to 20 pills at every meal! Granted, after I had been on them a while, I really did feel better, but taking that many pills at once was just not doing it for me. And...they were expensive. I hung in there as long as I could with them, but I just couldn't sustain that level of vitamin/mineral intake!

Since then I've tried taking B12 in the morning, because my doctor determined that I'm B12 deficient, and I've tried to be consistent with taking Fish Oil in the evenings. But even just that level of intake, in addition to my prescribed medications, was more than I could do.

When I was at my hair stylist last week, she started telling me about a liquid vitamin/mineral supplement she's taking called Veema (see www.veema.com for more information). It's a two ounce shot of juice you drink each morning and it supposedly is a miracle worker. It naturally inhibits hunger (though not the sole reason to take it) - Susan said she had lost 10 lbs. in a month without trying. As well there is a long list of things it wards off , like arthritis pain, plus it enhances sleep, improves skin, eyesight, etc. She and her skeptic husband were swearing by it. She had heard of it from friends who had been on it a while and were talking about it as though it was the Fountain of Youth. It's made of the Mangosteen fruit, Aloe Vera, and Green tea and includes beaucoup vitamins and minerals, even some trace elements of minerals that you don't typically see.

This is where my son, the skeptic, went ballistic - when he read the number of "rare earth" elements that were in the drink. Frankly I thought "Rare Earth" was a 70s rock band, but at any rate, I figured there are only trace amounts of those elements in there, and I'm not too concerned. The proof, they say, is in the pudding. So I'll have to report back in a couple of weeks to see if I feel like it's having any positive affects on me.

I figure that surely I can handle a two ounce shot of juice in the morning. It tastes pretty good, so I don't have to "choke" it down like I often did pills, and it will be easy to remember to take. And they even provide a little "shot" glass to measure out the juice. It is a little pricey - $70 a month. But that's a lot less than what I was paying for the other vitamin regimen I was on, and most "serious" multiple vitamins are nearly that much.

I have to admit though, to say I'm taking a liquid vitamin supplement called Veema reminds me of the "I Love Lucy" episode where she was filming a commercial for a similar substance called "Vitameatavegamin." Apparently this "vitamin supplement" was 95% proof, and the more takes of the commercial she had to take, the more she had to drink the stuff, and the drunker she got. It's quite a hysterical episode, as she tries to say the name "Vitameatavegamin" and the drunker she gets the harder it is for her to say it. I'm pretty sure there's no alcohol in the Veema, but my son snidely remarked when he started reading the list of ingredients, "Oh, right here at the top it says it contains 'snake oil'!"

Update to my blog post from yesterday - I have intended to insert my "Mii" self into my profile photo, which is mentioned in the blog. Obviously I haven't done that yet. Stay tuned....

And Now the Exercise!

It's an unfortunate fact that the best way to lose weight is to decrease caloric intake and increase exercise. I'm working on the reduction of caloric intake, and doing okay so far, but now I've got to gird myself up for working out more often. It's always a dilemma in terms of time and place. Ideally joining a gym or the Y would be best, but I don't have the money in my budget to do that right now. There is a small exercise room in the apartment complex where we live, but I've had difficulty making myself go there. In pretty weather (i.e. - not too hot, not too cold, not raining, sleeting or snowing!) I've been known to bring my walking shoes to work and go walking in the nice little park near my office, or even just huff and puff up and down the very steep road by the office. Some evenings in the spring and summer if I come straight home from work I can go down to the little greenway that's within walking distance of my home (except that you have to cross over the interstate on a bridge - which freaks me out a bit!) And on weekends I sometimes drive to a state park that's about 30 minutes away to walk the two-mile loop there.

But the exercise needs to be sustained and that's where I tend to "flake" out. I get so annoyed with myself because I always feel so much better when I work out, even if I'm initally sore and tired because I'm so out of shape. Just one workout causes me to feel like I'm breathing easier, have more energy and believe that all things are possible. But my biggest problem is eventually getting bored, or busy, or whatever lame excuse I need to stop doing the exercise.

Wii Fit
We also faced the dilemma of how Jenn the trainer could monitor my progress. Being pregnant and the mother of an active almost two year old, we weren't sure it would always be practical for her to go with me on my walks or other workouts. And she wanted to make sure I wasn't cheating when I exercised, or going out to ostensibly exercise but skipping out (not that I would, you know!) Chase and Jenn have the Wii Game system and had been enjoying the Wii Sports that are on there - and some of those can cause you to work up a sweat. But the Wii Fit system would also help us keep track of my weight loss progress and BMI index. So we all chipped in and bought the Wii Fit system.

Wii is a pretty cool system but a little intimidating. You hold a remote that is what interacts with the system, recording your scores in the games you play, etc. With the Wii Fit, it almost becomes like "Hal" the computer in 2001: A Space Odyssey - you feel like it's human and knows your every movement! There is a pad you stand on that is both a scale and part of the recording mechanism in addition to the remote control. The first time you get on it puts you through your paces to weigh you, determine your Body Mass Index, measure your balance, and even determine your fitness "age."

The features are fun, funny, and sometimes annoying. To start you create a virtual version of yourself called a "Mii." You design the body, hair color, etc. to try to get it to look as much like you as possible. That's the "you" who will be doing the exercises on the TV, based on the movement you make yourself while holding the remote. After you've created your "Mii" the system starts assessing your weight and BMI. Then, whatever your weight is, the "Mii" morphs into that size! (See profile photo) So now I have this fat little virtual me on the screen reminding me of what I need to do.

To add insult to injury though, and to make sure you stay motivated, after that, every time you step on the scale when you first turn the system on, the scale makes this audible "oompf" sound - smart-alecky thing! And it tells you when the last time was you accessed the system and chides you for not being on it more often!

So this is my plan now: every couple of days I'll work out on the Wii Fit, where they have yoga exercises, aerobics, strength training, and balance games. I'll try to get in 30 minutes at a time, and as out of shape as I've been that feels like more than enough. I'll rest on alternate days, although on those days at lunch I'll probably at least get out and walk. On other days, instead of doing Wii Fit, I'll do Wii Sports. They have a boxing game on there that really gets you going - so that's a nice aerobic exercise that's fun too. And on weekends I'll still try to get out and walk the two mile loop at Long Hunter Park on Saturday or Sunday. The goal is to stay active, but not to get into a routine that eventually gets boring.

When I do get on the Wii Fit, it offers to weigh me every time and recalculate the BMI, which you can opt out of, but I'll probably do it at least once a week. It records your weight and shows your progress on a chart - so you're getting the visual aid of seeing how you're doing.

I can only hope that as I lose weight, my Mii person will gradually reduce in size.

She damn well better!

Addendum - A Small (or maybe large) Gripe

I 've noticed over the last few weeks that there are all these pop up ads on the Internet about earning thousands of dollars by simply going into websites and creating links, supposedly for Google. It sounds appealing and easy, but I knew there had to be a catch. In the meanwhile, I started noticing that on any website I visit, and even here on this blog, there are links that lead to nothing but more ads or comeons for various products or institutions.

Most website owners will have links to more information on their various pages. Those are underlined once and is set up to give the reader and opportunity to find more relevant information on the subject. The key word here is "relevant." See the double green underlines on some of the key words in my blog? Those are the links that have be created by these folks supposedly earning the big bucks for doing it. But if you click on those links they will go to pop-up ads or totally non-relevant websites or search engines.

To me, this is the equivalent of spam or phishing and it annoys the heck out of me. I resent going into a website that has legitimate links and also finding this non-legitimate ones. And I really hate that they're popping up on my blog! I don't want the friends (or strangers) who may read this blog to think I'm pushing something I'm not. I'm not sure if there's a way I can get rid of them - but I will if I can. There's probably no way to legislate having this stop, but I find it personally offensive.

Now that I've aired my gripe, continue reading below for the continuing saga of weight loss and fitness!

300 Calories Every 3 Hours

Since I've just finished having my afternoon snack, and it wasn't what I had planned for, I thought this would be a good time to share the first of the three-step approach to my getting fit and healthy - my food intake.

Lord knows I've been on every diet there is with the exception of the South Beach Diet or Sugar-Busters. I've paid lots of bucks to people like Nutri-Systems, L.A. Weight Loss, Weight Watchers, and I briefly participated in the much ballyhooed "Cookie Diet." I took the phen-fen pills and counted calories back before they found out these drugs were potentially fatal (a trip to the doctor and one echocardiogram later - I found out I was fine), I've tried the Dr. Atkins high protein/low carb diet which is the only diet that truly appealed to me in terms of taste because I could have all things loaded with fat! However, I also discovered with this diet that by reducing the carbs so drastically I was also losing brain function - my memory during that time was shot all to hell and I often couldn't put a coherent sentence together. And I've done the low fat diets, but didn't always pay attention to calories or sugar content.

So there you are, I've done it all! My trainer (Jenn) has had the most success with eating 300 calories every 3 hours, which in a normal work day would be around 1200, maybe 1500 calories. I'm trying to stick with the 1200 calories because that's a good number of calories for me to begin losing the pounds. There are no rules about what kinds of foods to eat - just only eat 300 calories at a time. Obviously, the smart person would focus on low fat and low sugar snacks, but it's not required - it's just limiting calories.

There is some logic to this, for me anyway. Yes, I will try to eat healthfully and lowfat for most meals and snacks - the more low fat and healthy the food, the more I can eat and be fuller with that 300 calories. But for those times when I'm just REALLY craving something sweet, I can have it - as long as I don't eat more than 300 calories worth. This should go a long way in satisfying cravings and not feeling deprived. I can still participate in work luncheons, parties, or other functions where I have no control over what is being served, and still eat just enough to cover the calories. That means I'll have to start learning the caloric value of a lot of different foods, or figure out how much of something I can eat that stays within that range - but that's doable. For example, my boss just came back from a reception that her mother catered, and true to form, she brought back all the left over canapes that had been served there. And there are a lot! I had been planning my snack all day, and fully intended to snub the smorgasboord of food in the kitchen. But being assured that there were "healthy" things in there I checked it out anyway. "Healthy" is a relative term, but I did find small ham and cheese rollups that I felt comfortable eating two of, feeling confident that I stayed below the 300 calories. So I added a few pretzels to round that out. I indulged my need to have the food, but kept it "legal." Next week we're having our monthly staff lunch - and pizza is on the menu. I'll have to figure out how much pizza (likely a small sliver!) I can eat that is only 300 calories. That'll be a heavy salad day.

Figuring out how many calories are in various foods and planning meals and snacks now could potentially be fun. For example, I discovered that I can have 2 boiled eggs and an English muffin with jam and be within 300 calories! That's more breakfast then I usually eat, but it's heavy on protein. So I can be filled up legally and not be starving before lunch and being tempted to snack. Oh, and I should explain that not being an early riser, I can't get up in time to eat my breakfast at home, necessitating having a mid-morning snack. After I get to work, between 8 and 9 a.m. I have my first meal of the day. Fortunately we're a pretty informal office, so that's not a problem for anyone. In fact, most of the staff does it!

Over this past weekend, not knowing that I was going to start on this particular food plan, my best friend Jan gave me the Hungry Girl Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World. Check out www.hungrygirl.com - it's a great resource. Most of the recipes in the book are less than 300 calories and include meals and snacks - so I know with that I can find some stress-free, easy ways to eat healthfully and tastefully, while being satisfied. She also has a new book out called 200 Under 200: 200 Snacks Under 200 Calories which should also be great.

This makes me optimistic that I'll be successful. Everyone's support is also helpful. As I noticed on the finale of The Biggest Loser last night, friends and family of the contestants were in full abundance. The fact that after these folks left the ranch they were still able to lose more weight while at home means that they didn't have anyone giving them negative feedback or trying to sabotage their plans. I have every confidence that the same will hold true with my friends and family.

So there we are with the meal plan. I'll be writing about the successes with this plan, especially in terms of weight loss.

Tomorrow: the second step in this plan - exercise!

And So It Begins

As soon as I posted my new blog and let it be known it was out there, I've had a wonderful supportive response from friends and families. There are few people I know who don't struggle with weight issues, especially us middle-aged women! So it's encouraging to know that everyone's rooting for me, and hopefully, if I can succeed this time, it'll serve as inspiration to others.

On the one hand I can be frustrated at the years of yo-yo dieting I've done; the times I've managed to get significant weight off only to pile it back on, the eating binges I go on, all of it. But I had one of those "Aha" moments this morning. There are many times when we get false starts in life - career goals, relationships, finances, you name it - all of us at some point have had to pick up and start over. It's really a question of perseverance. It took me 10 years to write and publish my book, but I did get that done. There were times I came close to shelving the manuscript completely, but I kept at it - I had this little nagging thought in my mind that this was necessary to my life to complete this book. And once I did accomplish that, I was rewarded. Not financially, as in book sales, but through the support I received from others, from the letters and emails I got from people who were inspired or moved by the book. Just those few emails were enough to make me feel that those 10 years of effort were entirely worth it. I had achieved the goal I had set out for with that book. So why shouldn't it be any different with my efforts at weight loss? Yes, I have tried and failed before. But who's to say that I won't succeed this time? If I keep that same thought in mind, that getting to a healthy weight is necessary to my life, then I'll be more likely to persevere and eventually succeed.

That's the plan, anyway!

Personal Trainer

Besides just being uncomfortably overweight, part of the inspiration for getting back on track has been watching "The Biggest Loser." Jenn, my daughter-in-law, and I have been watching together this season as the most obese contestants they've ever had on the program have vied with each other to lose the most weight. And all of them have succeeded beyond all of their own expectations - most of them losing well over 100 lbs. in 17 weeks. Granted, the program is not fixed in reality in that these folks get taken to a ranch where they check out of their normal lives for over four months and do nothing but focus on exercise and diet. They work out every day far more than any normal human can possibly do. But yet, it is inspirational to see them get slimmer and slimmer week after week and to see their self-confidence increase.

But I was grousing to Jenn about the fact that these folks have personal trainers helping them everyday, and who can afford a personal trainer anyway? Then I "woke up" to the fact that my daughter-in-law, with whom I am living, (along with my son and grandson) has a degree in sports physiology and was a trainer with the sports teams while at David Lipscomb University. As she would sit there week after week adding her own knowledge about the body, diet and exercise while watching the program, I had yet another "Aha" moment, or maybe this one is a "Duh" moment - Jenn can be my personal trainer! She's there with me 24/7 - there would be no escaping!

After mulling it over for a few days, I broached the subject with her. I offered to pay her $1 for every pound I lose if she'll help me with a meal plan I can live and lose with and get me on an exercise program. She willingly agreed, realizing the potential for getting Chase, my son, on an exercise routine as he's developing a bit of a paunch as well!

And well she should be willing to do it - she's partially to blame for mine and Chase's weight gains. She's about 5 months pregnant and her eating habits are all over the place. She often doesn't know what she wants until a particular craving hits her, and then that craving has to be fulfilled. The cravings tend toward the carbohydrates and fat loaded foods like pizza, pasta, various fast foods, weekly barbecue from Whitt's etc. And sometimes she'll crave some kind of dessert so I'll often come home from work to find a pan full of freshly made lemon squares, chocolate chip cookies, banana bread, all kinds of yummy stuff.

The problem is that Chase and I would just eat what she wanted to eat. But....Jenn's weight gain only goes to the baby, and she in fact is losing weight in other areas and slimming down nicely! Chase and I, however, are eating like she is, and of course, gaining like crazy! It's like there's three pregnant people in the house!

So - she owes me!

Back Again, Tail Tucked Between Legs

Six months! SIX MONTHS! That's how long it's been since I last posted to this blog. You can only guess what happened - I fell so far off the diet "wagon" that I couldn't face blogging about it. Of course, the point of the blog was to journal about my struggles and probably get lots of love and support from all of you out there. Over the months, most of you have mentioned the fact that I haven't been blogging and that you've missed the posts. Thank you for that! But as I've said, I was too ashamed to come on here and admit to how poorly I've done.

The holidays were a complete bust and it was continuously downhill from there. I don't know if it's medication I'm taking or what, but I just have seem to have an endless appetite - and have spent the last six months indulging myself with all of the comfort foods, desserts, candies I've wanted. I regained most of the 18 pounds I had lost and bragged about and my energy level is sapped. I ache all over, find it hard to climb the stairs to our apartment (oh yeah, since the last post we moved into a bigger apartment, but it's on the upper level - yeesh!), and huff and puffiso much when I move that I went to my doctor to have blood work and a heart stress test just to make sure I wasn't on the verge of keeling over with a heart attack. Apparently I'm "fine" in those areas - normal blood work (oh - except for the high cholesterol and tricyclerides), no blockages, etc. But feeling as "poorly" as I have, and now having additional incentive - another grandchild on the way - I'm determined to climb ever so painfully back on that wagon and get going again.

This past weekend three dear friends and I got together for a long overdue "girls" weekend away. We spent the weekend at a house in Fairfield Glade up on the Cumberland Plateau - a beautiful part of Tennessee. It rained most of the weekend, but we were there primarily to just catch up with one another, and laugh. Boy did we laugh. And we ate. BOY did we eat! All of these women are typically quite health concious and in much better shape than me, but we just had a "lost" weekend of indulging ourselves with good food, including an absolutely sinful dessert at a Mexican restaurant. I won't go into details, just suffice it to say, we really shouldn't have!

So that was my last food blowout before getting back on track. This week I'm starting a new regimen with a 3-pronged approach. In the next post I'll share what that approach will be and we'll take it from there.

Wish me luck!

Sitting with my back to the doughnuts!

Carbo Loading!

Last week I suffered a tiny setback and gained 1/2 pound, after having lost a total of 18 pounds over the past two months. I haven't panicked, but it was a bit of a wake up call. I'm generally pretty careful with my food intake during the week - keeping a little more strict watch on my points, etc. But the weekends tend to be a bit more problematic - the comings and goings of family members, having other commitments, the social trend of eating out on the weekends - all contributes. This past weekend in particular, my body was apparently craving complex carbohydrates - and I indulged it! It all started when I had a meeting on Saturday which began at 8 a.m. and ran until 12:30 p.m. One of the other people in the meeting always brings relatively healthy goodies for our breaks, and lately he's been into making bread. We all know there's nothing like homemade bread. One small slice wouldn't have hurt - but once I had a taste, I ended up grabbing slice after slice, and of course, slathering each slice in butter!

In the afternoon there was a memorial service and afterward the family invited everyone to a meal - people had brought all kinds of goodies - honey baked ham, rice, mashed potatoes, MACARONI AND CHEESE, southern-style greenbeans, chess pies, and more chess pies! It was heaven on earth! And again, I indulged - especially on the macaroni and cheese - which is a particular weakness of mine and the world's best comfort food - especially on cold rainy fall days.

And if that wasn't enough - in the evening a friend and I went out to a movie. We decided we didn't want to eat dinner first (who could after all that food?) but after the movie went to a restaurant for a "bite." Being the cold November night it was, soup really appealed, but did they have a nice hearty, healthy vegetable soup? Of course not! They had a shrimp gumbo (which was probably pretty healthy - but I'm not a big fan) and a potato bacon soup. "Mmmmm" as my grandson says - I haven't had potato soup in a long time! Did I order just the cup of soup? Oh no.... I went for the "giant" portion. And while I know potato soup has a cream base, which is why I typically avoid it, I usually have counted on it being a bit thinner then this one was. This soup was really more like a gravy - and OMG was it good! By the time I finished that along with the ciabatta bread that came with it, I thought I was going to be sick!

So I wasn't surprised when I weighed on Sunday morning and had picked up a 1/2 pound. With Thanksgiving coming I know I'm going to have to either be extra careful leading up to Thanksgiving, or get some more exercise to keep from having a setback again. Because we'll be going to my brother and sister-in-law's home and my sister-in-law is a fabulous cook and I know I won't be able to say no there!

The Doughnut Dilemma

The good news however, is that even though I had a negative physical gain with the 1/2 pound, today I've had a psychological gain and triumphed over doughnuts!

Doughnuts are another weakness. Especially Krispy Kreme doughnuts (don't even start me on the family "legend" about my uncle who sold the Krispy Kreme doughnut recipe for $50!) which rank right up there with heavenly bliss. I have successfully avoided eating a Krispy Kreme doughnut or any kind of doughnut for several months now. My friend Jan and I know first hand the siren call of a Krispy Kreme doughnut shop with that "Hot Doughnuts Now" sign flashing. Several years ago Jan was working where I worked and we decided to ride to and from work together. We also decided to be virtuous and get up extra early and work out at the YMCA before going to work. So we did - it was great - we would work out, shower and get dressed and be at work by 8:30. The only problem was that to get to work we had to drive by a Krispy Kreme shop! Well, I suppose we could've taken an alternative route but....

Anyway, as we approached the shop, one of us would cut a glance at the other, the other would look back and grin - and before you knew it, we were pulling in! It was then that Jan and I learned that while we can be good friends and can encourage each other "from afar" in our weight loss attempts - we can't actually diet together - we always end up sabotaging ourselves.

So this is the history I'm dealing with when this morning one of my co-workers comes in waving a doughnut box under my nose. Granted, they weren't Krispy Kreme doughnuts, but they were doughnuts and my light WW breakfast was already wearing off! "No No" I cried - take those out of here. "Oh come on" she said, fairly sprouting devil's horns. "No, I'm trying SOOO hard." So she graciously took them away.

But the box is sitting on the table in our office kitchen. When I went in there to heat up my lunch they loomed at me. I had to avert my eyes to keep from being tempted to just open the box and look at them. I moved my lunch to another table and sat down with my back to the doughnuts. If I don't see them, I won't be tempted. One of my other co-workers came in and saw me - "You've got you back turned on the doughnuts haven't you?" she asked.

"Yep" was all I could say, as I focused on my WW lunch!

Sweet Tarts vs. Grapefruit

Honest to God - the following actually transpired between me and my son:

Chase calls me at work - "Mom, I'm going out to the store to pick up some milk - do you want anything?"
I responded, "You know, I've been craving something sour. Would you get me some kind of sour something?
He asked, "Like what?"
"Oh," I responded, "something like Sweet Tarts or some similar candy."
"Okay," he said and hung up.

I arrived home from work and was chatting with Chase and Jennifer when he picked up a grapefruit and handed it to me. "Here's your 'something sour'," he said. I just looked at both of them as though they were crazy - I had been thinking about those Sweet Tarts all the way home!

"You're kidding, right?" knowing the prankster my son likes to be.

"Oh no," Jennifer said, Chase has been fussing at me because I've had a lot of candy in the house and you've been eating it and that's not helping your diet. So we got you a grapefruit instead!"

Chase was looking very smug and proud of himself! I didn't know whether to thank them for reigning me in and not caving in to my request for candy - or to be annoyed with them for not getting me the item I had requested!

In fact, they had said they were going to take away all the candy that was left from Halloween - a big orange plastic pumpkin had been sitting on a side table filled with the likes of Tootsie Rolls. Again, I thought they were kidding - however, when I stuck my hand in the pumpkin after they left to go out for the evening - sure enough - no candy!

I had to chuckle - my kids love me and they know I'm serious about the weight loss and that's their way of helping - tough love!

Of course I coped, and was ultimately grateful that they didn't get the candy for me. When I weighed in on Sunday morning I was happy they were so tough on me. In spite of a week of still sneaking the occasional candy piece and heavy dinner times with delicious morsels like homemade lasagna, I still managed to lose another pound! I had gone out and walked the two mile loop at Long Hunter again on Saturday so I know that's a saving grace. I tried to imagine what if I had stuck better to the WW plan during the week and did the 2 mile walk - maybe it would've been more than 1 pound. What i know I can now do is work a little harder, make sure I can get some activity in during the week and maybe I'll see a little more progress.

Til then, I'm at least still on track with an 18 lb weight loss since September....

.....but I still haven't eaten the damn grapefruit!

Surviving Halloween

This week saw another 1/2 pound loss - not great, but given my body's apparent schedule of dropping a few pounds one week and little or nothing for a couple of weeks I'm still feeling good about it. Plus, this was Halloween week - and while I didn't completely stay away from candy - and the fabulous pumpkin pie my son made from scratch - I still lost and didn't gain, which is really something to celebrate.

And I finally made it out for some activity. I took the grandson out to Long Hunter State Park, where they have a two mile paved trail around a lake that he and I walked around. Well...I walked - and pushed him in the stroller. It was a beautiful fall day, the temperature was perfect and it was a peaceful time for me. However, since it's been a while since I've done that - my 54 year old hips are letting me know today just how out of shape I am! Jenn and I still plan on getting to the fitness center in the apartment complex a few nights a week to walk on the treadmill, so if I can get into that routine, then perhaps I'll see a little more progress.

But getting past Halloween without major damage is a win. Now I can look forward to Thanksgiving with a little less trepidation!

Another Breakthrough!

So I guess I've figured out my body's weight loss pattern. After another couple of frustrating weeks with only a 1 pound loss, this past Sunday when I weighed in I was surprised to see a 4 lb. drop! A real surprise given that I haven't been carefully tracking my points, and I know I'm probably going over points on some days, and then the Halloween candy is looming large! But I guess the cumulative effect is what's important, and as long as I don't fool myself into thinking that I don't have to cut back as much as I had, then I'll be okay and continue to be successful.

So this makes another milestone - I'm now officially below 240! And significantly below enough that I don't think I have to worry about gaining back above 240 unless I just totally lose my mind and willpower this week. So now my next short term goal is to drop below 230.

People are noticing the weight loss, although in recent photos of myself I still couldn't see it. I have this terrible double chin that just horrifies me when I see photos! When I start seeing that go, I'll be much happier! But I'm also worried that besides the weight loss sometimes producing sagging skin where fat used to be, my family on my mother's sad is cursed with turkey necks - where you have the perpetual double chin that looks like a turkey's wattle! I've never really been tempted or vain enough to consider cosmetic surgery, but after I get the weight off, if I still have that neck, I may very well consider a surgery to get rid of that!

Hanging Tough

It's been a couple of weeks since I've posted anything on the blog, and it's gratifying to know that people are reading it because I've had a few people remind me that I haven't written anything! Time issues and life transitions has interfered with updating these last two weeks. Since the last entry I've lost another pound - but held steady for two weeks. I'm slacking off a little because of schedules, etc. and so am planning to get back on track. I do pretty well during the week while at work, but anything off my schedule or during the more relaxed weekends is a little more difficult. There's also the going out to dinner or lunch with friends and family that can make it more difficult - if I want to use that for an excuse!

My home life has suddenly gotten very interesting which is one reason I'm delayed in writing here. I've gone from being a single woman living alone for the last 7, almost 8 years, to having my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson living with me. What started out as a temporary thing seems to becoming semi-permanent. With the state of the economy and our collective finances it just makes more sense to have them living with me and all of us contributing to the household upkeep. But we need to change from them living out of suitcases to a more stable environment. I have only a 2-bedroom apartment, although it's a large apartment. So we're in the midst of rearranging furniture, finding a place for the baby to sleep (he now sleeps in Gramma's bed!), and just making it a comfortable situation for everyone. And as soon as one becomes available at my complex, we'll be moving into a 3 bedroom apartment.

However, the current living situation makes staying on the plan a little more challenging. We're cooking a lot together, and we're not always cooking the healthiest of foods. But, Jenn, my daughter-in-law, is going to start on the plan as well, so our meals will be more healthy, within the plan. Chase will also benefit whether he wants to or not! Plus Jenn is at home during the day and can plan our meals. She also wants to start exercising on a regular basis, which should motivate me since I've still not gotten into a routine that includes activity. If she goes to the apartment complex fitness center in the evenings, I should go with her and at least get on the treadmill or elliptical trainer.

So life is continuing to be the adventure it usually is for me! After a long spell of relative inactivity and a lot of "alone" time, my home is filled with loving family members and the delighted squeals of a 14 month old who thinks everything his daddy does is funny. It's not a bad life!

Setting Goals

I lost another 2.5 lbs this past week which gives me a total weight loss of 11.5 lbs! So on the WW website I get another little "star" for making the first 10 pounds - although I got fussed at again for "fast weight loss!" That just kills me!

In terms of setting goals for weight loss - I've got the long term goal for total weight loss of course, but I also look at the recommended goal that WW sets which is to lose 10% of your total weight as a step by step process. So my first short term goal according to WW is to lose about 25 lbs.

But I have found that my own mental goal is to get past certain weight hurdles based on 10s - in other words - I started out at 253.5, so I was excited when I got below 250. Now I'm at 242, so my goal is to drop below 240, etc. Then when I get to 210 - the big goal will be to get below 200. That'll be a day to celebrate!

With the first 11.5 pounds off I'm feeling successful and encouraged to keep going. I'm not always so faithful to recording the points each day - especially on weekends. But I find that I'm ALWAYS conscious about points and how many I have at a given time. I've done this long enough now that I have a sense of how many points there are for foods that I commonly eat, so I just keep running inventory and if I get unsure - then I back up and lighten up on what I eat to make sure I don't go over. And although I've never recorded them - I know also that I have 35 points a week to play with - so that gives me a cushion on the weekends!

My big success this past weekend though - was going to my brother and sister-in-law's for dinner and not overindulging - especially on the raspberry chocolate brownies and homemade chocolate ice cream. So I might have had a few too many slices of fried green tomatoes - but I only let her slice me a very small slice of brownie and a small scoop of ice cream. And although initially other family members teased me a little bit - knowing my addiction to chocolate - overall they were actually quite supportive and encouraging me (although I really know that they were just happy that it meant more brownies for them!)

An inspiring compliment

While I know that 9 pounds is a great weight loss in one month - I'm still having a hard time telling it, although my jeans fit a little more loosely. I've been trying to "visualize" being thinner and when I walk, I carry myself like a thin person - so perhaps the psychological benefits of the visualization will help as well - we'll see.

However, nothing works like when friends and family tell you they notice. I was shocked yesterday when my son said, "Hey mom, you're losing weight!" Now you have to understand that my son is not one to just give out compliments to me - and more often than not he gives "backhanded" compliments in which you're never really sure if he's serious or not. So I'm saying "Really? You think so?" - and he continued to affirm that I looked as though I had lost weight.

This morning however, still not really believing him, I asked Jennifer, my daughter-in-law, "Did you put him up to saying that, or did that come from him?" - figuring that she, like most wives, has to clue him in to things or prompt him. She insisted that it was his own comment.

So, that went a long way in inspiring me to keep going. The WW food plan is not difficult and I'm getting comfortable in keeping track of points values and knowing what foods have fewer points and choosing to eat more healthfully. And I even allow myself the occasional small piece of chocolate or something like mashed potatoes so that I don't totally freak out at some point and binge on large quantities of all the things that I shouldn't eat.

The support of family and friends has been crucial. When planning on going out to dinner with a friend last night, I was more cautious with my eating earlier in the day so I could "splurge" a little bit if need be. My friend was so cute when he picked me up and said "How many points do you have left for dinner?" That meant a lot to me because it means my friends and family are also being conscientious about my food plan as well. Quite unlike the early years of my first marriage when my ex-husband would deliberately try to sabotage my diets by placing unhealthy things in front of me.

But that's the past, and for now....it's all good.

Finally! A little breakthrough

Thanks to everyone who was so encouraging and supportive when I whined about not having lost any weight the last couple of weeks. As Susan, the Weight Watchers Queen, pointed out, sometimes you'll go without losing then drop several pounds. So I can proudly post a new weight on the blog (see the left of this posting) as I dropped 3.5 more pounds! That makes a total of 9 pounds in 4 weeks - which I can't complain about. I'll feel even happier when I can tell I'm losing weight from my clothes feeling more loose.

The irony of it is that Weight Watchers is "worried" about my fast weight loss! I was so proud to record my new weight on the WW website and darned if they didn't pop up with a little message about how I was losing more weight than was healthy - 2 lbs a week is optimum and citing all the dangers of fast weight loss! Geesh....talk about mixed messages!

However, regardless of that - I've also discovered some WW Smart Ones products that are both tasty and low points value. Since I never get up in time to eat breakfast before going to work, I'm usually bringing something with me - such as cereal and yogurt. I discoved WW has some breakfast items that are tasty and only 4 points. They have an egg muffin (a la McD's egg mcmuffin) and what I had this morning which was really good - a breakfast quesadilla.

But my favorite find so far is a Smart Ones meal that is only 2 points! And it is by far the most favorful and filling frozen meal I've ever had - it's called Chicken Santa Fe and is white chicken chunks with black beans, a full serving of vegetables and a tangy texmex flavoring. Man is it good! I was eating it by itself last week and with it only being two points was having to scramble to find more food to eat to keep my points going. But it occured to me as well that this was a great meal to add rice or pasta to - to bump up the bulk and the points and add some variety. Last night I took two of them and cooked them together and then made angel hair pasta and that's what little Hayden and I had for dinner. Very tasty - I'm having it for lunch again today!

So with all these plugs for Weight Watchers - do you think I qualify as a sales rep? Maybe I should send this blog to them and see if they'll pay me!

Tortoise vs the Hare

When I got on the scales yesterday morning I was really annoyed. I didn't have any recordable weight loss this past week. I have to keep reminding myself that 5.5 pounds over 3 weeks is still good, but I want to see immediate, tangible results of my new discipline. All week I was careful with my points, and kept track of them so I know I ended each day without having gone over or maybe not even eating all of the points I'm allowed. So why no weight loss? I realize I still need to work in the exercise and I probably will lose weight VERY slowly if I don't start getting some cardio activity on a daily basis. Now that the weather is getting a little cooler, I need to look at getting out at lunchtime and walking, but that would necessitate remembering to bring my walking shoes to work. A new discipline to work on!

Weekends
Part of my problem is keeping track of my points on the weekends and not going too far afield of the plan on those days. Keeping track of my food intake is much easier during the week when I'm at work and then usually go straight home and am in for the evening. I keep the Weight Watchers website open on my computer at work all day and then on my home computer in the evening. That way anytime I eat something I can record it instantly and can continuously check on the points values of various foods I may want to eat. But the weekend is just harder. I usually have meetings to go to or am with family or friends, and making the choices to eat correctly get a little harder. I've determined that Sundays are my days for not sticking as strictly to the plan to give myself a little reprieve, and I've been pretty good the last two Sundays with not going too overboard. And my friend Susan, the WW weight loss queen, reminds me that if I screw up one day that I just start over the next day. Still - I should at least make an attempt to record the points on the weekends and keep a closer eye on the food choices I make.

Still, Americans are all about instant gratification - especially if any perceived sacrifice is involve. My brain wants to automatically go to - I've eliminated so many calories, fats, and sugars from my diet, by God I should be losing 5 or more pounds a week! So I get mad when I don't. That's when I'm in a danger zone - when I get close to saying "What's the use?" and revert back to old eating habits. I've got to remember that I'm still making positive changes, but the results of those changes may come slowly. I need to be happy with the slow, steady progress instead of the quick spurts. I need to be the tortoise instead of the hare.

Planning Ahead

My challenge this week has been not being prepared when I'm not where I need to be at meal time in order to eat healthfully. Part of the problem is that as a single woman, I don't keep a stocked refrigerator or pantry the way you do when you have a family - especially children. For the most part I'll only buy food for a few days and eat out most of the other time (a clue to my weight gain as well!). Or I keep frozen items that I can zap and eat - and then there have been the times in the evenings when I simply ate a bowl of cereal or straight out of the peanut butter jar!

Plus when I grocery shop, I tend to do it by the seat of my pants - no shopping list in hand, just a mental checklist and cruising up and down all of the aisles to see what catches my eye and hoping I remember everything I do need (I always forget something!)

So since starting on WW I've been gradually trying to rebuild my pantry with stock items that can help me make wise choices when it comes time to eat. And I'm trying to think ahead when shopping, actually make a list, check the WW website to figure out points for certain items and go from there.

What happened two nights this week is that I didn't know until the last minute that I was going to be somewhere other than home for dinner - so it ended up being late before I could eat - and while I stayed within my points and made relatively good choices, it just was more difficult and stressful. I'm trying to think of "emergency rations" - perhaps a protein bar? - that I can keep in my purse when that happens again. (I don't think a Rice Krispies bar counts - even though that's what I had with me yesterday!)

However a midweek weigh-in at the doctor's office showed a few more pounds coming off - assuming their scale is calibrated closely to mine - so I'll be interested to see what the scale reads this weekend.

I can say that this has not been difficult so far and for the most part I feel satisfied with the foods I eat, and I already feel better from not loading myself up with sugar and fats. The only thing I don't like, and which has sabotaged most of my diets, is having to be constantly aware and conscious about my food intake. Having to plan and think about it all the time gets old after a while. Of course, the alternative to not being aware and thoughtful about it, is to eat anything and everything and continue to gain weight.

A little primer on making comments to my blog
Some of you seem to be a bit challenged about commenting directly to the blog post. Most of you have my email address so it's perfectly fine to just email me. However, if you'd like to comment on the blog, here's what you do: At the end of each post you'll see a "0 comments" or perhaps there'll be a number which means someone has already commented. Just click on that link and you'll be taken to an area where you can read the comments and then write one of your own. That's all you have to do - don't have to sign in or anything! I think there's some kind of little puzzle you have to interpret - but we all have seen those before. Just remember - these are "public" comments - anyone will be able to read them. So if you want to say something to me in private then it's better to email me directly!